Sinking
by Xedra
Summary: When Joxer asks Dite to remove his love for Gabrielle, Gabrielle is dazed and confused by the changes in him. Please rr
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to RenPics/Universal. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is to be made from this story.   
Spoilers: Takes place immediately after "Married With Fishticks."  
  
**Rating:** PG  
  
**Feedback:** Please drop me a note if you've read this story. Any and all comments are desperately needed! Email me at **kandgking1@cs.com**  
  


**Sinking**  
by Xedra  
  


It was being socked in the face that did it. I was fed up. Frustrated beyond all measure with that bard! That's it. It's over. I've had enough!  
  


When she fell into that water, my stomach dropped to my knees. I didn't think, I just jumped in and plunged down after her rapidly sinking body. My armor made it easy for me to sink quickly in the water and grab her around the waist, but going back up was much harder.  
  


My waterlogged armor, as well as an unconscious bard, weighed me down and I kicked and kicked and fought with everything in me to get us back to the surface. My lungs burned and my back and arms ached, but I kept swimming and pushing us up up up.  
  


Breaking the surface, I gasped for breath and pulled her head above the water. Dragging blessed air into my lungs, I shook her jaw and slapped lightly at her cheeks, but nothing.  
  


Worried, I swam frantically over to the dock and pushed her onto the slick wooden pier. I climbed up beside her and called her name over and over, but nothing. She lay quiet and cold and I was never more scared in all my life than at that moment.  
  


Pushing her wet hair off of her face, I gave her my breath, the same way she told me Xena had once done to save her life. I pressed my lips to her cold ones and breathed into her mouth over and over, calling her name and shaking her shoulders. My hands shook and heart pounded, but I kept going, desperate and frightened. She just had to wake up!  
  


Breathing into her mouth again, I was relieved to feel them warm and moving against mine. She was alive! She was breathing! I pulled back and looked into her eyes, shining and warm. Then her hand was on the back of my neck and pulling my head back down to kiss me.  
  


That's right, she kissed me. I was too shocked to do anything for a few moments, but the feel of her lips on mine and her hand squeezing my neck made my breath short and my head dizzy and desire clench in my belly like a fist. Blood pulsed fire through my body, my heart pounded like a hammer, but I couldn't move, couldn't do a thing but think: she's kissing me, she's kissing me, she's kissing me!  
  


Her warm mouth opened under mine and I felt her tongue, oh gods, her tongue, pushing gently between my lips to slide alongside mine. I was so surprised I gasped against her mouth, but that only served to pull her tongue more fully against mine. Somewhere through the pounding and pulsing in my head I heard a low moan. Was that me? Was it her? I didn't know. I didn't care.  
  


Then she was pulling away from me, her hand sliding from around my neck to fall at her side. Dazed, I looked down into her puzzled eyes and realized she had asked me a question.   
  


I must have said something, but I don't know what, my mind was so foggy. I didn't realize I had spoken until I saw her eyes change. Those incredible green eyes that had been glowing with warmth and something else so inviting it thrilled me and terrified me at the same time. Those beautiful eyes I was drowning in suddenly flashed with surprise and anger and irritation.   
  


I knew that irritated look only too well. She always had that look when I said something really stupid, and I wanted to rip my lips off for speaking and ruining the most wonderful moment of my life. Oh gods, this is bad! What did I say? What did I say? My frantic mind tried to recall, but could only draw a blank. Maybe if I just kissed her again, she'd forget about it...   
  


In a flash, I had a fist in my face and was landing on my butt several feet away. Pain exploded in my left eye and for a moment I was afraid it was going to pop out of my head, so I pressed my hands hard against it. After several moments the pain receded to a throbbing ache, so I gently opened it. The bard and the warrior were already walking away, several paces down the road, cooing over the baby. I sat there stunned, simply unable to wrap my mind around the fact that they were leaving. Just like that.  
  


As I sat there on the dock, my mind going over and over what had just happened, I was aware of a chill seeping into my body that had nothing to do with the water dripping from me. This chill went down to the bone and settled like a stone in my heart. And there was pain. So very much pain. The hurt just crashed over me like waves and stabbed in my heart. They're just leaving! I can't believe they're just leaving like that!  
  


I watched them turn a corner in the road and disappear from view and sat there shaking my head. I saved her. She was drowning, sinking like a stone and I pulled her out. She wasn't breathing! The woman wasn't breathing and would have died if I hadn't been there to breathe for her. I saved her life!   
  


I got to my feet and began to pace. Okay, I said something really stupid that ticked her off. I don't know what it was, I doubt it warranted punching me in the face like that. I'm always saying stupid things, I know, and I can take the nose twisting and pinching and all the mean words she can dish out, but this... she hit me like I insulted her or something.   
  


Frowning, I stopped pacing and looked in the direction they had left. And SHE kissed ME, for Zeus's sake! I wasn't doing anything more than enjoying it. I didn't even get a chance to kiss her back before she ended it. I wanted to, yes. Oh, yes, I wanted to kiss her back and keep on kissing her, but I didn't. Then she punches me in the face like I'm the one who did something wrong.   
  


The pain searing at my heart was suddenly pushed out of the way by a burst of anger. Anger like nothing I had ever felt before. And what the hell was so wrong about that kiss? What? Does she think so little of me that something like that is beneath her, an insult, a crime? How dare a stupid little nothing of a Joxer touch his lips to the fine, perfect lips of the great, beautiful, oh-so-worthy Bard! Was that it? Was I so low in her eyes? One little bitty - okay, so it wasn't so little bitty, but deep and hot and glorious and anything but little bitty - but one kiss and now I'm so insignificant in her mind that she just walks away.  
  


My hands curled into tights fists, pressed against my thighs. I must be for her to just walk away like that and not even thank me for saving her life. No matter what else happened, the fact remained that she'd be dead right now if I hadn't pulled her out of the water and helped her breathe again. There may have been no way to bring her back this time, either. The warrior and the bard mean everything to each other and what I'd done didn't even merit a thanks. No, I don't deserve even that. From either of them. They just walk away.  
  


I was suddenly so tired I knew if I didn't sit down I would fall down. There was a large crate behind me and I sank onto it like a broken doll. After all this time I finally know what my friendship means to them. I've been the best person I know how to be around them. Hell, being around them has made me a better person than I thought I could be! Yes, they've both gotten me out of more than a few scrapes that I was stupid enough to get myself into, but there was a time or two when even a bumbling fool like me has helped those fine, strong women out of, too. All I have ever wanted from them was their friendship and respect, and maybe a little admiration, but I know that would be a stretch. I've loved that bard for so long, I had always hoped for more from her, but I never expected it.   
  


Hoped, wished, dreamed and prayed for it, but I never really expected her love in return. I did, however, expect more from a friend than a fist in the face and to just walk away after I saved her freaking life! Friends. HAH!   
  


A warm hand on my shoulder startled me out of my reverie. I whirled around, but calmed when I saw Aphrodite sitting next to me. "Are you all right, Studmuffin?"  
  


Studmuffin. It must give her some kick to call me that. I shook my head, "Yeah, Aphrodite, I'm fine. I'm great. I'm just dandy!" Her surprised expression made me realize that I had yelled those last words right into the Goddess of Love's face. Sighing, I looked away and rested my elbows on my knees, my head in my hands.   
  


"So you're not fine." I felt her hand patting my back. "Come on, loverboy, you've taken worse from small, blonde and sassy before."  
  


"Worse?" I laughed bitterly, "Not this time."  
  


There was a long moment of silence before she spoke again. "Well, cutie, love can be a real bitch sometimes. I should know." She suddenly smiled, "I could always, you know --" she twiddled her fingers in the air, sparkles glimmering at her fingertips.  
  


I lifted my head and looked at her. There was a rare compassion in her bright blue eyes. This beautiful blonde goddess, swathed in pink gauze that hid very little of her luscious figure, was the very image of love and romance and unbridled lust. How could such a powerful being, one that could read the hearts of men like a scroll, be so blind?   
  


"Love? Aphrodite, love has nothing to do with what I'm feeling right now." Glancing down the road where my friends had walked away, I could feel that cold stone sinking heavy in my heart again. Love. What a joke! Turning toward the puzzled goddess, I considered her for a moment, then nodded. "If you really want to help, Aphrodite, there is something you can do."  
  


**********  
  


"Joxey, honey, I'm not sure about this..."   
  


I stood up and faced her, a hard knot in my stomach at the decision I was making, but I knew what I had to do. "Well, I am. This is what I want. Now are you going to call him or not?"  
  


There was a flash of anger in her eyes and for a moment I couldn't breathe. Speaking to a goddess that way was not a smart move, but I was determined. She must have seen that, or something in my eyes that touched her because her fierce expression faded, replaced with a sudden worry. Why in the world should she be worried? She scooted closer to me and lifted one soft hand to my cheek and searched my eyes. "You're serious!"  
  


I didn't move, didn't blink, just nodded. "Yes, I am." I took her hand from my cheek and held it between my mine. "Please, Aphrodite."  
  


Amazed, I watched tears well in her eyes as she sighed and stood up. "All right, all right. I'll just go and get the crossbow and --"  
  


"No!" I stood and stepped in front of her. "None of your tricks, Aphrodite. I want Cupid here, in person, to do this with his own arrows."  
  


She crossed her arms in front of her and frowned, "I'm the Goddess of Love! Who do you think gave him those arrows?"  
  


I crossed my own arms and raised an eyebrow, "Zeus." My lips quirked at the way her jaw dropped. "You hang around a bard long enough, you learn a few things."  
  


Throwing up her hands, she rolled her eyes, "Fine!"   
  


In a shower of sparkles she was gone. I had only a moment to wipe a hand across my face before the sparkles were back and two figures stood in front of me.   
  


Cupid stood beside his mother and glared at me. "I was pulled out of a wedding in Corinth for this. Do you have any idea how many people fall in love at weddings?"   
  


"Just hit me with one of your lead arrows and you can get back to it." I raked my fingers through my hair, eager to get this over with.  
  


Cupid looked at Aphrodite, puzzled. "A lead arrow?" When she nodded sadly, he looked back at me. "When she said you needed one of my arrows, I assumed..." He stepped closer to me and spoke in a low voice, "You do understand that lead arrows push love OUT of your heart, right?"  
  


I nodded, "Yeah, I know. I'm sick of loving someone who treats me like the dirt under her boots. Just sick of it. I've heard your arrows are better than any spell, so..." I looked pointedly at Aphrodite and she looked away.  
  


The winged god considered me for a long moment, then shrugged and snapped his fingers. In a flash, a small, elegantly carved wooden crossbow lay in his hands. Pulling back the arrow to lock it in place, he pointed it at my chest.  
  


I closed my eyes and heard a loud TWANG, then felt a strange burning in my chest. Pressing a hand to my heart, I looked down, but saw nothing, just felt that curious burning pressing deeper and deeper through my chest. I could feel it pushing through my body and out my back. My breath came fast, like I had run a race, and a feeling like ice water flowing over my skin made me shiver. After a few moments the sensation passed and I stood there rubbing a hand over my heart.   
  


"Is that it? Did it work?" I asked them.  
  


Aphrodite shrugged, her arms wrapped around her waist, but stayed silent. Cupid stepped closer to his mother and looked at me. "You tell me. Close your eyes and think of her."  
  


I closed my eyes and said her name in my mind, saw her smiling face and laughing green eyes. I looked at the image in my mind and kept looking at it, waiting. My heart didn't leap at the sight, there were no butterflies, no clenching in my belly. There was no burst of overwhelming love or even affection. Nothing. No love, no hate, not even the anger and hurt I had been feeling only moments ago. I then realized that to be hurt by someone, you had to care about their opinion, and now I didn't.   
  


My eyes popped open in shock at the fact that I just didn't care one way or the other for this woman. It felt so different, so strange. Wait a minute, did this mean I wouldn't care about anyone? Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes tight and thought of the warrior. A rush of admiration flooded my heart and that gentle affection I felt every time I saw her with the baby. The baby. Yes, all the love I felt for that beautiful child was a warmth in my heart that hadn't changed. My mind went over every person I could think of that I knew, or had met even briefly and all the emotions, positive or negative were just as they had always been.  
  


But thinking of the bard... no, not a thing. Just a simple acknowledgment of knowing her and that was all. Well, no, actually that wasn't all. There was an emptiness, a void, a strange numbness when I thought of her. Frowning, I rubbed my hand over my heart again.  
  


"Well?" Cupid asked, obviously in a hurry. "Do you feel anything for her, or not?"  
  


I took a moment to search as deep as I could into my heart. I shook my head, "Just an emptiness--"  
  


Cupid nodded, "Well, there you go! That's what happens when love is removed. Don't worry, you'll get used to it."  
  


I smiled a little, and thanked him.  
  


He waved his thanks away, "Mom called in a favor, so the thanks go to her." He then gave me a pointed look, "You realize you owe her a favor for this, right?"  
  


I looked at the goddess, who now had her back to us, and nodded, "It's worth it."  
  


Cupid glanced at the goddess, too, then shrugged, "We'll see. Later!" With that, he flashed away.  
  


"Aphrodite--"  
  


"No!" She whirled around, her hands curling into fists at her sides. Her eyes were wild, burning with an expression I'd never seen before. I wasn't sure if I should feel worried for myself or for her. "Don't you dare thank me!"  
  


My jaw dropped at her fierce tone, but before I could speak, she vanished in a burst of sparkles. Now what on earth was that about? Sighing, I decided not to try to figure her out since the mind of a goddess was certainly beyond me.  
  


I turned away from the docks and headed down the road, eager to catch up with the bard and test my improved heart. Already the numb feeling was hardly noticeable, making my steps quick and light. Yes, things will be much better now.  
  


**********  
  


ON MOUNT OLYMPUS  
  


Aphrodite sparkled into her temple and began to pace, not even noticing her son perched on the ledge of a nearby steaming hot tub.   
  


"Chill, Mom! You got what you wanted, didn't you?"   
  


Aphrodite sank down onto a pile of large satin pillows, rubbing her upper arms as if they were cold. "I didn't want this, Cupid. Joxer wanted this. I know it's not what he really wants. He thinks he wants it, he thinks _she_ wants it, but nobody wants this. He just doesn't know it, but I know it, and I don't like it!"   
  


Cupid stared at his mother for several minutes, dumbfounded. He hopped down and sat next to his mother, taking her by the shoulders. "Mom, I haven't seen you like this since Orpheus lost Euridice. C'mon! This is Joxer we're talking about!"  
  


Aphrodite shook her head, her golden curls bouncing. "No, Cupid, this is love we're talking about. No arrows or spells, but the Real Deal! Can't you feel that?"  
  


Cupid frowned, "Well, yeah, I know he loved her. I was there when it happened, remember?" He looked closely at the goddess, his eyes widening. "Wait a minute, you can't mean...?"   
  


She nodded, "That's what makes this so totally wrong! Pushing true love out of his heart majorly screws up one of my best matches!" She stood and began to pace again.  
  


"But, Mom, you know which crossbow I used," Cupid pointed out.  
  


Aphrodite stopped in front of the hot tub, trailing her fingers through the swirling water. "I don't think using the small bow instead of the regular one will help things much. It's still going to take something major to get him to love her again."  
  


Cupid put an arm around her shoulders, "Well, that's our specialty, right? Tell you what, after I'm done at the wedding in Corinth, I'll hang around the mortals and see what I can come up with. How's that?"   
  


Aphrodite smiled up at her son and pinched his cheek, "That's my boy!"   
  


Relieved to see some of the spark back in her eyes, Cupid blew a kiss to his mother and vanished in a burst of sparkles.  
  


The smiled faded immediately from the goddess's mouth. With a wave of her hand, the water in the hot tub mounded up with frothy bubbles and rose petals. Another wave of the hand had her nude and sinking into the tub, sighing with pleasure. Leaning her head back against a conveniently placed pillow, she closed her eyes and pressed a hand to her heart, rubbing at the rare ache she felt there.  
  


**********  
  


I don't know why I hit him so hard. I suppose it was a reflex, like the way your knee jumps when you hit it in a certain spot. Everything was just so confusing. One moment I'm caught up in a dream, caught up in a kiss unlike any kiss. One that, strangely enough, gave me breath, then took it away. The feel of it sizzled down my spine, so I held on and gave into it, feasting on it until my body ached with a wanting that amazed me.  
  


The next moment, I'm staring up at Joxer's face. That face... oh gods, Joxer! He's got that cocky grin and spouting some irritating macho crap and trying to kiss me. Shock and anger burst through me and my fist just flew, slamming into his face hard enough to send him flying.  
  


I struggled to stand, my breath coming fast and my heart pounding so hard it almost hurt. My knuckles burned and my armed ached from the force of the punch and I stared down at it like it was some foreign object attached to my body. A body that was dripping wet and cold. What was going on?  
  


It came back to me in a dizzying rush. The goddesses fighting, the pain of something hitting my head, the vague, fading images of a strange dream. A kiss. My body grew very warm remembering, but before I thought much about it, I heard Xena behind me.  
  


Eve started to cry and a strong maternal pull had me reaching for her and soothing her like I hadn't been able to do before. I was so caught up in cuddling the baby and telling her a story that I didn't even realize Xena and I had walked back to our camp alone. After handing the baby to Xena to be fed, I stoked up our fire and sat close to it wrapped up in my blanket to stay warm. I sat and stared at the flames, listening to Xena sing softly to Eve, trying to capture the fading images of that strange dream, but I could only summon the strong emotions I had felt. Confusion, frustration, that unbearably strong maternal pull, and a curious warmth in my heart... was that affection? Was it love?  
  


I rubbed my forehead and shook my head, it was just a dream. A crazy dream from swallowing too much sea water. I suddenly found it difficult to breathe and felt a burning in my chest. By the gods, I must have swallowed half the ocean! I pressed a hand to my chest, but the burning faded.  
  


"Gabrielle?" Xena looked at me with worry, "Are you all right?"  
  


I couldn't speak, my heart was racing like I'd run a mile. Holding the suckling Eve securely in one arm, Xena kneeled next to me and felt my forehead. I tried to reassure her I was fine, but then I could only suck in a breath as iciness sluiced down my spine.  
  


A terrible ache clenched in my chest and I pressed my hands to it. I could hear the alarm in Xena's voice as she gently pushed me to lay on my pallet. Xena tucked the sleepy and satisfied baby into her little basket and kept her nearby as she ran a hand over my forehead.  
  


"No fever, that's good," she sighed in relief. She leaned down and put her ear flush against my chest. "Take a deep breath." I breathed in deep and then did it again and again as she listened intently. Raising up, she quirked up an eyebrow. "Your lungs sound great for someone who's swallowed half the ocean and you're breathing is good. Where are you hurting?"  
  
I shook my head, "I'm fine, it's just--" I paused, rubbing against that terrible ache.  
  


"Your heart?" Xena asked.  
  


"Huh?"   
  


"Gabrielle, you're pressing against your heart. Is that where it hurts?" Xena sounded puzzled and concerned.  
  


I looked down and realized my hands were indeed on my chest over my heart. "It doesn't hurt exactly, it aches. I feel a terrible ache." I took a deep breath, trying to ease the pressure, but it throbbed and throbbed.  
  


"A hot compress might help." Xena grabbed her little bag of medical supplies, fished out a couple large bandages and folded them together into a pad. She fixed up a pot of water and set it to boil over the fire. "It's a good thing Joxer pulled you out of the water when he did, or you'd be in worse shape."  
  


Joxer. I closed my eyes and sighed, "Yeah, I guess I'm lucky he didn't manage to drown me, huh?" Glancing at Xena, I was surprised to see a rather disgusted look on her face as she brought over a wineskin and handed it to me.  
  


"Drink," she said shortly, her eyes narrowed.   
  


Good grief, what's wrong with her? I took the wineskin from her and she turned quickly away. Her shoulders lifted as she took a very deep breath. "Xena?"  
  


She didn't look at me, she just shook her head and jerked a thumb at the wineskin. "Just drink, Gabrielle."   
  


Keeping my eyes on her, I lifted my head up to drink and gasped at the sudden shooting pain in the right side of my head. The wineskin fell from my fingers as I clutched my head. Sharp, lightning throbs pounded my head as my hand found the egg-sized lump above my ear.  
  


Xena jerked my fingers away from my head, "Breathe, Gabrielle. Just breathe, it's okay."   
  


I gasped air into my lungs and felt her kneel close to my side. Oh, gods my head hurt! She placed one hand on the top of my head and the other on my neck. "Okay, just breathe, Gabrielle, and let me see."  
  


I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing in and out as she gently felt around the lump, murmuring soothingly. "Oh yeah, that's a goose egg, all right! Just hold still and I'll get a cold compress."  
  


Soon there was a cool bandage pressed against the lump and the pain began to slowly ebb. I held the compress to my head as Xena helped me lay back down and then began laying the hot compresses on my chest. "Well, it looks like Joxer did a lot more than manage not to drown you."  
  


Joxer again. My head ached, my chest ached, and she's talking about Joxer again. "What in the world are you talking about, Xena?"  
  


A loud, exasperated sigh burst from Xena's lips. "Gabrielle, you have a lump the size of Mount Olympus on your head. Whatever hit you knocked you out cold. You probably did swallow half the ocean and Joxer got you out of the water before you could swallow the other half."   
  


Her words swam around in my head as I thought back. The goddesses fighting, the pain of something hitting my head, the dream. The kiss. No, wait! I closed my eyes and recalled the feeling of warm breath filling my lungs. Oh, gods! That wasn't a kiss, was it? It turned into a kiss... I turned it into a kiss... but it didn't start as a kiss. And I hit him so hard... so hard... A terrible sinking feeling pulled at my heart and I wanted to just melt into the ground, I felt so low.  
  


"Gabrielle!" Xena's voice was worried. "What is it?"   
  


"Joxer," I whispered. "It wasn't a kiss, Xena!"  
  


Xena frowned, "Come again?"  
  


"He saved my life, Xena. He didn't kiss me, he gave me his breath. He made me breathe again!"   
  


Xena smiled sadly, "Yes, he did. I'm glad you finally realize that."  
  


I nodded, then shook my head and groaned. "I hit him. I thought he was kissing me and I hit him."  
  


Xena sighed heavily, "Well, when he comes back to camp you can apologize."  
  


"If he comes back." I sighed just a heavily, "I hit him really hard, Xena, then just left him there. Oh gods, what a mess!"  
  


Xena smiled, "Well, then you'll just have to think of a good way to make it up to him, won't you?"  
  


Immediately, the memory of the kiss sprang to mind. The memory of those warm lips... My cheeks got warm and I firmly pushed the memory away. Gods, girl, what are you thinking! This is Joxer! So what if he has warm lips, very warm, very strong lips...  
  


My eyes shot open as my ears picked up faint, but very familiar clanking sounds in the distance.   
  


Joxer!  



	2. Sinking2

He came clanking into the campsite with a surprisingly light step. The bright purple bruise around his left eye made her wince and look away.   
"Joxer, are you all right?" Gabrielle asked softly.   
  


He just shrugged and waved a hand dismissively as he sat on a log near the fire. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine." He took a deep breath and nodded, "Yep, just fine."   
  


Gabrielle frowned at his casual attitude and bit her lip. Her hand rubbed against the compresses over her chest. She looked away from him, the quickly back again. "Joxer, I'm sorry for hitting you so hard." She shook her head, "Well, I shouldn't have hit you at all, but I had felt..." She blushed and looked away, remembering very clearly what she _had_ felt. "I mean, I didn't want--" She stopped again, remembering very clearly what she _had_ wanted. She closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead.  
  


She took a deep breath and glanced back at him. "I mean, when you--" She stopped when he just looked at her with raised eyebrows. All right, that wasn't exactly true. "Well, when I, uh...when we, um--" Her cheeks reddened. Okay, she really didn't want to get into that. Best not to think about that kiss right now. "You saved my life. I might have drowned if you hadn't pulled me out of the water. You saved me and I just hit you and walked away and I feel terrible and--" She huffed out an impatient breath. "Look, I'm just sorry, okay? I'm so sorry for everything."  
  


Joxer just sat there, trying to sift through her jumble of words. He blinked a few times, then nodded. "Okay." He reached over for a saddlebag and stuck his hand inside to search for a snack.   
  


Gabrielle's jaw dropped. _Okay?_ That was it? She looked over to Xena, but she was just as surprised, her hands paused in the middle of putting away bandages. Gabrielle watch Joxer dig through the bag, then pull out a small apple. Gods, was he really upset? She just couldn't read him, which was astonishing in itself, because everything Joxer was feeling always showed loud and clear on his face. Her stomach sank at the thought that he felt the need to hide his feelings from her. They were friends, after all... weren't they?  
  


"Joxer," she said softly. He looked back at her and she was struck by how clear and deep his eyes were. She couldn't see any evidence of hurt, anger, or anything else for that matter. This couldn't be good. "Joxer, I mean it. I sorry for hurting you." Saying the words made her realize she really was. She was terribly sorry for hurting her friend, and she wasn't just talking about the punch.   
  


Joxer just shrugged like before, "It's okay. You didn't hurt me." He looked away and smiled a bit, "You can't hurt me." He scooted down to lay on the ground with his head propped against the log and took a healthy bite out of the apple.   
  


Gabrielle just stared at him, puzzled. This was not like him at all. Here she was, feeling like she'd kicked a puppy, and there he was, acting like it didn't matter. The ache in her chest suddenly throbbed harder and her eyes began to prickle... oh gods, she was _not_ going to start crying! What was wrong with this picture?  
  


Xena heard his words and frowned. There was something the way he said them... something in his voice that gave her a strange feeling. A feeling... wait a minute! Her senses immediately perked up, though her outward appearance remained calm. That prickle on the back of her neck was very familiar. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she slowly scanned the area.  
  


There! The briefest mist of sparkles glowed deep in the cluster of trees to her left. She cocked an eyebrow and stood. Looking from a prone Gabrielle to a relaxed Joxer, she sighed. Carefully, she lifted Eve's basket and laid it next to Joxer. "Watch her while I scare up some dinner, all right?"   
  


Joxer quickly sat up and grinned, "Sure thing!" He leaned over the basket and gazed tenderly at the sleeping infant.   
  


Gabrielle frowned and started to rise up, "Xena--"   
  


Xena raised a hand to for silence, then pointed down at her, "I want you to lie there and rest. Joxer is perfectly capable of watching a sleeping baby for a few minutes."   
  


Joxer sighed as Eve's little hand clutched at the blanket in her sleep. "Of course, I can. Uncle Joxer will keep both eyes on our widdle-biddie Evie!"   
  


Xena rolled her eyes, but nodded and gave a pointed look to Gabrielle until her friend relented and lay back down. Fingering her chakram, she quickly darted through the trees.  
  


The mist of sparkles had vanished but the prickling on the back of her neck had not. She could still feel it as she walked further from camp. Concentrating on the feeling, she scanned all around her as she walked... just waiting. After a few more paces, she stopped when the sensation suddenly felt stronger.  
  


"Show yourself!" she demanded, folding her arms across her chest.  
  


In a flash of sparkles, Cupid appeared before her in very much the same position. He held up a hand before she could speak. "I know what you're going to say, Xena, but hear me out, all right?"  
  


Keeping a lid on her temper, Xena raised an eyebrow, "I don't want hear your excuses, Cupid. Just undo whatever you did to Joxer, and do it now!"  
  


"He asked for it, Xena."  
  


Xena's eye narrowed dangerously and her words came out slowly as she took a step toward the love god. "What in the entire Known World could Joxer have done to anger the gods? Why are you punishing him?"  
  


Cupid held up his hands in surrender, but stayed firmly where he stood. "Whoah! Nobody's punishing Joxer!" He looked off to the side and mumbled, "Except himself." He sighed at Xena's glare, "Look, when I say he asked for it, I mean he _literally_ asked for it."  
  


Xena frowned, but took a step back again, "So, what is _it_ he asked for?"  
  


As Cupid explained, Xena looked more and more confused. She finally held up a hand to silence him, then put it to her head, which was beginning to ache.  
  


"Okay, so if Joxer and Gabrielle are supposed to be this great love match, why in Tartarus did you shoot him? Aphrodite can't be happy about that."  
  


Cupid sighed, thinking of the sadness he had seen on his mother's face. "She's not, that's why I'm here. Look, I only shot him with the small bow, so the match still has a chance."   
  


"The small bow?"  
  


"Yeah, I have bows of all sizes for my golden arrows, depending on how fleeting or how deep a person's love will be. The same goes for my lead arrows. Love can be driven out of a person's heart for a day or for a lifetime."  
  


Xena looked back in the direction of the campsite. "So how small was this bow you used?"  
  


"He'll feel no love for Gabrielle for a full month. As short a time as that sounds, this really isn't a good thing." Cupid laid a hand on her arm, and Xena turned back to him. "Gabrielle is fond of Joxer now, but Mom tells me that in time she was meant to come to love him. Really love him."  
  


Xena nodded, "I can see that happening. He's been a very good friend to her...to us both."  
  


Cupid shook his head, "Xena, he won't be the same after this. Even after a month, when he's able to feel his love for her, it won't be the same. It won't be as strong, as deep, as pure, and it will affect how much she loves him in return. Anything less than a True Love can open the door for doubt and unhappiness."  
  


Xena's heart sank at his words. Gabrielle and Joxer were her best friends. They deserved their chance at love, and if they were meant to love each other... well, she'd do whatever she could to help them. "You said there was still a chance."  
  


He nodded, "We'll have to do something major to reverse the effects of that arrow. Before the month is out, Gabrielle will have to realize her love for Joxer. She'll have to truly love him and show him that she loves him."  
  


Xena's eyebrow quirked again, "Show him?"  
  


Cupid laughed, his snowy white wings fluttering, "A kiss will do, Xena, but what you're thinking of... well, that couldn't hurt either."  
  


She rolled her eyes, "I'd better get started, then." She turned and headed back toward the camp.  
  


"I'll be around, Xena, if you need help."  
  


Xena lifted a hand in acknowledgement, but kept walking.   
  


**********  
  


I'm not sure how long I layed there staring up at the stars. My belly was full of the roasted fowl Xena had cooked up before taking the baby back and settling down to sharpen her sword.  
  


_*shhh-ing* *shhh-ing* *shhh-ing*_  
  


The rhythmic sound of stone against metal was very relaxing. The limbs of the trees swayed in the night breeze, hiding, then revealing the twinkling stars. I liked how they did that, almost as if the were winking at me, congratulating me.   
  


_*shhh-ing* *shhh-ing* *shhh-ing*_  
  


And why not? I'd finally made the first really smart decision of my life. No more bumbling around acting like a fool and looking like a fool and _feeling_ like a fool! I sighed, laced my fingers under my head and crossed my ankles.   
  


_*shhh-ing* *shhh-ing* *shhh-ing*_  
  


Gods, it felt good! I could just be me, just be plain old Joxer and not worry that it wasn't good enough. I don't have to impress anyone, which I never did anyway, so that really wasn't a problem. Yeah, this was much better. I'll probably be a bigger help around here, now that I'm free of those silly distractions. Silly thoughts... silly dreams.  
  


Walking around with my head in the clouds, tripping over my own two feet. I rolled my eyes. Jeez, no wonder they think I'm such an idiot! Well, not anymore. It will all be different now...it has to be.  
  


_*shhh-ing* _  
  


Silence. Mmmmm, Xena's done already? She's usually at it longer than--  
  


"Joxer?" Xena's voice right next to my ear startled me. She kneeled down next to me and held out a compress. "For your eye. The arnica salve will help with the bruising."  
  


I had to smile at the almost sheepish expression on the warrior woman's face. I thanked her and held the compress to my eye, sighing at the blessed coolness. I hadn't realized how much it still ached until now. She was silent, but her eyes searched mine. For what? I know her instincts are sharp, but did I seem so different already?  
  


"Joxer..." she stopped and looked away, then looked back. Gods, she looked sad! Before I could ask what was wrong, she put a hand on my shoulder. "Thank you for saving her, Joxer." She moved my hand off the compress and lifted it to check my eye. Sighing, she shook her head, "A hero certainly deserves better than this."  
  


"Hero?" Oh, she must be trying to apologize. I guess she's not used to that sort of thing, at least not when it's directed at me. For a moment, I allowed myself to enjoy her discomfort. After all, she didn't feel too concerned when I was writhing on the docks, trying to keep my eye inside my head, but any lingering resentment faded with the genuine regret I saw in her eyes. I smiled and shrugged, "You'd do the same for me, right?"  
  


"Absolutely." Her voice was dead serious and it warmed my heart to hear it. Xena jerked her head in the direction where Gabrielle lay sleeping. "So would she. You mean a lot to us, Joxer."  
  


I looked over at the bard and...felt nothing. She'd do the same? I meant something to her? Hmmm...I guess after being around each other so long, she might feel enough to not let me _drown_, but any more than that? Not likely. Still, it was a nice thought. I smiled into Xena's concerned face. "Thanks."  
  


Xena looked at me for a long moment then squeezed my shoulder. Replacing the compress, she patted my cheek. "Sleep tight, Hero."  
  


Long after Xena had fallen asleep, I was still sitting there just enjoying the night. Shifting slightly against the log at my back, my knee bumped against the sword laying close by. A large, heavy sword in a relatively new scabbard. A warrior's sword.  
  


My sword, but I'm no warrior. A sigh came from deep down. Well, that's going to change. First thing tomorrow, I'll ask a real warrior for some tips. Maybe some training. Gods knew I could learn a lot just by watching her, but, Wow, being trained by Xena... the idea was exciting and frightening at the same time. It made my heart jumpy, my hands fidgety. Once I can really use this sword, hold my own in a fight instead of knocking someone out by accident, or knocking myself out by accident and missing the whole thing, I'll really be Joxer the Mighty!  
  


Automatically, the song came to mind and I began singing it in my head._Joxer the Mighty, He's very tidy, Roams through the countryside, He never needs a place to hide, With Gabby as--_  
  


Holy Hades! I rubbed at sudden pang in my chest. Man, that smarts! How long until I'm used to this strange feeling? Cupid didn't really say, but I hope it's soon. I can't afford to be distracted...  
  


Where was I? Oh yeah, my song. I thought over the words and frowned, shaking my head. I need to think up some new words. Or scratch the whole thing and start a new song all together. Coax a new melody from my lyre---Aww, shoot! Where did I leave that thing? Well, I can think about that tomorrow... _after_ I talk to Xena.  
  


With these pleasant thoughts dancing in my head, I turned the soothing compress over to it's cooler side and settled down on the ground to get some sleep. Tomorrow...  
  


**********  
  


ON MOUNT OLYMPUS  
  


Aphrodite sighed as three muscular men in loincloths massaged rose-scented oil into her tense muscles. Huffing out a breath, she blew a long golden curl from her forehead. This wasn't working. She couldn't relax. Pushing away from the silk-draped table, she clothed herself in some frothy pink scraps and vanished the startled men with an impatient snap.  
  


Pacing around her statues and cushions, she flicked a finger and in a flash held a creamy white rose. Tapping it distractedly against her lips, she wondered how her son was faring with Joxer. They only had a month... could they manage it in time?  
  


The flower dropped from her fingers as she gasped and pressed on her heart. The ache throbbed hard and deep in her chest. Her legs went limp as she sank to the carpeted floor and drew in a deep breath. The air suddenly shimmered next to her and two familiar hands grabbed her arms.  
  


"Whoa, Mom! Major negative vibes!" Cupid frowned at her pale face. "What's going on?"   
  


Aphrodite shook her head and gripped his arms. "This is so not good... Do something, Cupid! He's got to feel something, anything, positive about her. Quickly!"  
  
  


**********  
  
By the time Eve whimpered for her morning feeding, Joxer already had a pot of hearty porridge steaming over the fire. Xena smiled as she stretched and scooped the fussing baby from her basket, the rich scent of the apples he'd added had her stomach rumbling. Turning away for modesty, she unbuckled a shoulder strap and crooned sweetly to Eve, "That's right, sweetie, you're getting your breakfast first." Eve's cries were soon muffled and Xena quietly hummed a song as she patted her back.  
  
Joxer smiled as he stirred the porridge, his heart warming at the sight. It never ceased to amaze him how this fierce and deadly warrior could be such a tender and loving mother. The image was achingly beautiful, but he only allowed himself to enjoy it for a moment as the wet, suckling sound always embarrassed him. He ladled up a bowl for himself and concentrated on counting blades of grass as he ate.  
  
Soon enough, Eve was full and Joxer offered to burp her while Xena ate. Pleased with the request, Xena handed him the baby and watched as he paced and thumped Eve's back. It surprised her how easily and competently he managed it, but she told herself it shouldn't. It was just another point in an increasing list of points in his favor. She took a bite of the hot porridge and nearly moaned... Zeus, that man was racking up points left and right! This was better than Gabrielle's!  
  
A low groan from under a nearby blanket announced Gabrielle's return from the realm of Morpheus. A twitching nose and drowsy eyes peeked out from the edge of the blanket. "I've died, haven't I?" She sat up and rubbed her eyes. " Only in the Elysian Fields could food smell that good."   
  
Xena chuckled and spooned up a bowl for her, "Tastes even better." She's going to see his good points if I have to beat every one of them into her stubborn little head, Xena promised herself with a smug smile.  
  
Gabrielle raised an eyebrow, "Then I know for sure you didn't make it." She took a bite of porridge and stared at Joxer in disbelief. "This is delicious!" He was pacing away from them with Eve, but when he turned back toward them, she felt her stomach sink to her toes. The purpley-green bruise contrasted sharply with his pale skin in the bright light of day.   
  
Joxer smiled against Eve's head, enjoying the praise. Before he could respond, an impressive belch burst from over his shoulder that had them all laughing. "Thatta girl!" Joxer smiled down at the gurgling baby.   
  
When Xena finished her meal, she asked Joxer to sit so she could check his eye. Satisfied that the compress had taken care of any swelling, she applied more arnica salve while he bounced Eve on one knee. She then turned her attention to Gabrielle's injury and lightly ran her fingers over the slight bump. "Swelling's almost down. Does it hurt much?"  
  
Gabrielle tore her eyes away from the rather heartwarming paternal image of Joxer and Eve. "Huh?" Xena raised her eyebrow, tapped not-too-lightly on the bump and Gabrielle sucked in a breath. "Well, if you're going to go poking at it, yeah it hurts!" Xena snorted and gently smoothed on some of the salve. She noticed the way Gabrielle's strayed back to the patty-cake game Joxer was playing with Eve. "He's really good with her."  
  
It was on the tip of Gabrielle's tongue to mention that he wasn't much more than a big baby himself, but she just couldn't. It wasn't fair and she felt sorry for even thinking it, so she just nodded absently, not noticing Xena's smirk.   
  
Her eyes were constantly pulled in his direction. She was still uneasy with the way he brushed her apology off last night, not to mention the dream that replayed a certain kiss over and over in her mind through the night. But she wasn't going to think about that. She couldn't control her dreams, could she? It's not like she _wanted_ to feel those warm, strong lips on hers again, or feel her bones melt from the heat of it again, right? Squirming a bit, she took a long drag on the waterskin and stuffed her mouth full of porridge, pushing those thoughts firmly aside.   
  
As they packed up camp, she tried to read Joxer's feelings, tried to gauge how upset he was, but she just couldn't tell. He was the way he always was...sort of. Attentive to Eve as ever, maybe a little more chatty with Xena, but she could have been invisible for all the attention he paid to her. Without it, she began noticing several things.   
  
As they packed up camp, she noticed how quiet it was. Joxer was quiet. Well, not really quiet, he was responding to Xena as she directed him and he was cooing at Eve and making silly faces, he'd even asked her to hand him a few things out of his reach, but he wasn't talking her ear off the way he always did. She supposed she should enjoy the reprieve, but still...  
  
By the time they were packed up, when Xena asked if she planned to take her bedroll along, Gabrielle was surprised to see it still on the ground. It hit her that Joxer had always packed up her bedroll for her, strapping it up right beside his. Why hadn't she noticed that before?  
  
Gods, she never even had to ask for her own water! If he took a drink, he'd always offered her one. Her mouth had gone bone dry before she realized he'd taken the skin back from Xena, took a swig for himself and was hooking it back on Argo's saddle without so much as glancing at her.   
  
Good grief, how long had it been like this? She didn't even want to think about what else she was taking for granted, how many things she had overlooked. Thoroughly disgusted with herself, she took out her sais and began going through her routine a little more aggressively than usual, trying to clear her jumbled thoughts.   
  
Xena unsheathed her sword, called out for Gabrielle to take it easy and asked Joxer if he'd watch Eve while she worked out a bit. "Sure," he agreed and set the baby on his hip the way he'd seen Xena do, "but do you mind if we watch?" Xena noticed that he hadn't even glanced at Gabrielle as she moved with her weapons. His eyes should be glued on her and starting to glaze over by now, she thought and sighed. "All right," she smacked him lightly on the arm, "maybe you'll pick up a few things, hmm?"  
  
"My thoughts exactly, "Joxer smiled, bent to scoop up his sword, and followed her through the trees to another clearing, so the two practicing warriors wouldn't distract each other.  
  
Gabrielle was halfway through her routine when her head began to ache. Well, the exercise wasn't clearing her thoughts anyway, she sighed, then noticed she was quite alone. It usually annoyed her when Joxer ogled her while she practiced, then hearing all those not-so-subtle compliments on her form and style when she finished, but now his absence only served to further confuse her.  
  
She found him in the other clearing sitting on a large, wide stone studying Xena's moves and holding Eve, who was happily chewing on the leather ties of his tunic. Quietly, so as not to distract Xena, she sat next to him, waiting for him to turn to her, but his eye were fixed on the warrior's movements, so she waited. When Xena had worked up a nice sweat and resheathed her sword, Gabrielle touched Joxer's arm. "Joxer--"  
  
He startled at her touch, then smiled widely, "Oh, good, you're here!" Her heart jumped. That's more like it. She felt so relieved to see the happiness in his eyes, she started to speak, but suddenly found her lap filled with Eve.   
  
"Here," he patted the baby's head, "you be good for Aunt Gabrielle while I go talk to your Mommy, okay Eve?" Without another word, he leapt off the stone, grabbed his sword and rushed over to where Xena was wiping her face and neck with a cool rag, not noticing how Gabrielle's mouth hung open like a fish.  
  
Holding his sword in front of him, he took a deep breath. "Xena, can you teach me a few of those moves?" He sighed when she just raised an eyebrow at him. "Come on, you know I barely know how to use this thing and it's past time I learned. Will you teach me?"  
  
Xena was silent for a long moment before she took his sword and drew it from the scabbard. Motioning for him to step back, she tested its weight and balance, then swung it around and thrust it in a flurry of movements. She shook her head as she resheathed it and handed it back. "Not with that sword. It's too heavy for you to use it one-handed and it's poorly made - the balance is off."  
  
Joxer studied his weapon, the one his father had given him. Well, that said a lot for the faith the old warlord had put in him, didn't it? "All right. If I got a proper weapon, would you train me?"  
  
Xena took a long drink from the waterskin, then walked over to take the baby from Gabrielle. "Are you ready to kill?"   
  
Joxer was taken aback and gulped hard, "Kill? Well, I uh...I guess--"  
  
Xena cut him off with a glare, "Guessing doesn't cut it, Joxer. You have to know or you're dead." Her expression softened. "You want to fight well. You want to defend yourself and those you care about, right?"  
  
He reached out and ran a finger down Eve's soft cheek, "More than anything."  
  
"You don't need a sword for that." She glanced at Gabrielle, who was looking at Joxer with searching eyes, and had an idea. "But a staff would be perfect." Gabrielle's eyes snapped to hers and Xena winked. "You've seen Gabrielle hold her own just fine with it without having to kill. In fact," she nodded with certainty, "she'd be the best one to train you with it."  
  
"Huh?" Joxer and Gabrielle said in unison, both looking at her in confusion.  
  
Xena shrugged, "She's as good with a staff as I am with my sword. If you want to learn, she's your girl." With that she patted Eve playfully on the bottom and waited.  
  
Joxer felt a little disappointed, but the more he thought about it, thought about learning to defend or learning to kill, he knew Xena was right. So, he looked expectantly at Gabrielle, "Well, what do you say?"  
  
_Say?_ Holy Hera, she didn't even know what to _think_, let alone say about the whole thing! Okay, forget for a moment all these feelings she's been feeling, which make no sense anyway, and focus on the subject at hand. Xena wants me to teach him to fight with a staff. Yeah, she could do that. Searching his eyes, his hopeful eyes, she felt a fluttering in her stomach. It would mean spending lots of one-on-one time with him, but that shouldn't bother her, right? Somehow, she had a feeling this was going to wind up bothering her in a far different way than she was comfortable thinking about. Still, there was that look in his eyes. He wanted this, he really wanted this, and to her surprise she realized she really wanted to do this for him.   
  
She looked quickly to Xena and got an encouraging nod. Why not, she decided and nodded, "Looks like we'll going staff shopping. Too bad we're not near Amazon territory, they make the best staffs."  
  
Xena smiled, "We're not too far from Lemnos. They have a decent weapons stall in their marketplace."  
  
Joxer quickly crossed over to Gabrielle, hand outstretched, "I won't let you down, Gabrielle."  
  
Xena felt the prickling on the back of her neck a second before it happened. Gabrielle stepped forward to accept his arm-clasp, when she found her feet stumbling and her body slamming rather awkwardly into Joxer's arms.   
  



	3. Sinking3

For a moment, Gabrielle couldn't breathe. Joxer's arms went tight around her to keep them from toppling over. The breath had been knocked from her, yes, but her mind was suddenly screaming _Whoa!_ and she was too surprised to wonder why. His sudden laugh ruffled her hair and caused a strange little flip in her stomach. "I thought I was the only one around here who did that." When she didn't respond in kind or move away, he gripped her arms and eased her away from his body. His brow wrinkled in confusion, "So, uh, does this mean we're on?"  
  
Gabrielle didn't speak because she had a sinking feeling the connection in her brain that controlled her thoughts and feelings and speaking ability had simply gone berserk. _Whoa_ is right... oh gods, what is going on? What am I thinking here...what am I feeling here? Too much. Way too much. She took a deep cleansing breath, which made Joxer suppose she was angry, so he carefully removed his hands from her arms. All right, Gabrielle, just think about everything later. Now, what did he say? "On?"  
  
Joxer looked at her like she'd lost her mind, "Yeah, On. You know, for the training?" He looked over at Xena, who was half-smiling in amusement but also lifting a sardonic eyebrow. Okay, good, he wasn't the only one who found Gabrielle's behavior odd.   
  
Gabrielle immediately snapped to attention, clearing her throat. "Oh... yes. Yes! Of course! Not a problem. We'll train. Well, you'll train. I mean, I'll train you, sure. No problem."   
  
Joxer's eyebrows went up at her rambling, "Ohhh-Kaaay." He held out his arm again for her to grasp and seal the deal, "Thanks."  
  
Gabrielle quickly grasped his arm and quickly released it, nodding and turning away sharply. She didn't look at Xena, but kept her eyes on the baby. One look at Xena and she knew the warrior would see right through to everything she was feeling. She just wasn't ready for that yet. She had to figure that out for herself first.   
  
Joxer clapped his hands loudly and rubbed them together in anticipation. "So! How far to Lemnos?"  
  
Xena smiled at his eagerness, "Not far, about ten miles east. We should get there by mid-afternoon." Her eyes quickly darted around the clearing, then narrowed slightly. "Say Joxer," her voice was extremely casual, "would you put Eve in her pouch for me, please?" She handed him the baby without waiting for an answer and expertly slipped the waterskin from Gabrielle's fidgeting hands. "I'll fill that." She grinned as Gabrielle pursed her lips in irritation, "I need to wash up anyway. Bring Argo around, would you?"  
  
"Yeah, sure," Gabrielle rolled her eyes and followed Joxer back to the camp clearing. Followed a good five paces behind. Xena sighed and headed quickly to a small stream nearby. She filled the waterskin, splashed some water over her head and chest and sweaty limbs, and waited. She knew he was there. He'd show up if he knew what was good for him.  
  
She felt a shimmering in the air and a corner of her mouth curled up. "Mind explaining that little prank?"  
  
"That was _not_ a prank," Cupid stood with arms folded. "That was a strategic move on my part. A rather necessary one, actually."  
  
Xena folded her own arms, "Tripping Gabrielle like that was necessary? Oh, this I gotta hear."  
  
Cupid sighed heavily and threw up his hands, "I had to do something! There's some weird vibes going on around here and it's majorly upsetting Mom." He shook his head and began to pace. "I've never seen her like that... she was desperate for Joxer to feel something for Gabrielle." He ran his hands through his golden hair and rubbed his neck, then turned Xena, "I mean, have you ever known her to be _desperate_? Come on!"  
  
If Xena was concerned about this emotional display, she didn't show it. "So tripping Gabrielle was your solution?"  
  
Cupid folded his arms again rather stubbornly, "It worked... well, sort of. I was hoping he'd get a little hot having her in his arms like that, but he didn't." He impatiently blew a lock of hair from his forehead, "Still, he found the whole thing funny, which is a positive emotion, so it did help."  
  
Xena just shook her head and rubbed at her temples. "Look, Cupid, I've got a plan in the works here that'll give them plenty of one-on-one time together." She quickly explained how Gabrielle would train Joxer in staff fighting. "So, they don't need to "accidentally" slam into each other, all right?"  
  
Cupid smiled a bit, "Are you going to tell her?"  
  
Xena shook her head and sighed, "No, not yet. She has to have time to realize her feelings on her own. It's the only way she'll know they're true and not some trick of the gods." She gave Cupid a pointed look.  
  
Cupid nodded, "Good point. Well, I hope it works. They don't have much time, you know. Oops, gotta go!" In a flash he vanished.  
  
The trees behind her rustled and Xena whipped around. Gabrielle lead Argo through the brush and Joxer followed behind with Eve snug in her pouch. Mounting Argo and shrugging Eve's pouch over her shoulders, she urged the horse east to Lemnos.  
  
Gabrielle was unusually quiet, but Xena and Joxer didn't really notice as they were busy chatting between themselves. Any other time, it might have bothered her to be left out of a conversation, but now she was glad to have a few moments to herself.   
  
Her mind replayed the moment she tripped and slammed into Joxer. She'd been surprised, of course, not only that she'd tripped, but that they hadn't ended up sprawled on the ground. No, he had remained steady and she had remained pressed against him unable to move. Well, she'd had the breath knocked out of her and--- No, no, Gabrielle scowled and shook her head at herself, be honest! You couldn't breathe because it felt good to have him hold you so tight. That's what it was and you know it.  
  
  
  
Gabrielle tried shaking her head again to deny it, but couldn't. It _had_ felt good. His arms around her had been strong... how had they gotten so strong? He was so damn clumsy all the time, she just assumed he was weak, too, but that lanky body actually had muscles! Gabrielle looked over at Joxer to try and see them under all that bulky armor, but he'd moved to walk on Argo's other side and she couldn't see much of him around the horse and it's rider. She saw his hand as he raised it to point at something.   
  
His hands. Funny... she could still feel them on her, like warm cuffs against her skin. She rubbed her arms where he'd touched them and wondered if she was going crazy. She looked over at Joxer again. He had seemed altogether unaffected by the incident. No, Gabrielle shook her head, unaffected by _her_. No stammering, no blushing, no fumbling... he'd just laughed and brushed it off.   
  
That pricked mightily at her pride and she was quickly disgusted with herself again. Good grief, Gabrielle, all his puppy dog fawning usually irritates the hell out of you and now you're complaining when he controls himself?   
  
She was saved from that train of thought when Xena pulled to a halt and shrugged the pouch off, handing the baby down to Joxer while she dismounted. Gabrielle checked the position of the sun and calculated they'd been traveling for over an hour. By the sound of Eve's whimperings, she was hungry, they would be resting for a bit while Xena fed her. While Xena sat and positioned Eve, Gabrielle sat next to her and stretched out her legs. Joxer took off his helmet and took a quick drink from the waterskin.  
  
"Anyone hungry?" He said as he fished another apple out of the saddlebags.  
  
Xena laughed and declined, "I'm still enjoying your porridge," she smiled down at her daughter and rubbed her back in little circles, "and now Eve's enjoying it, too."  
  
Joxer chuckled and looked questioningly at Gabrielle. Gabrielle smiled and shook her head, "I'm still full." Joxer nodded and pulled a small dagger out of his boot. Dividing his apple, he offered half of it to Argo and patted her muzzle when she took it. Gabrielle cocked her head to the side and smiled, touched by the scene. He _would_ share his snack with a horse. It was a nice thing to do and nice came so naturally to Joxer. The thought tugged at her heart, knowing how few truly nice guys there were around.  
  
While his attention was elsewhere, Gabrielle took a good look at him. Yes, she could see the muscles of his arms. They weren't big and bulging like Hercules, of course, but they were tight and wiry and practically hidden under that ridiculous armor. He didn't sit down but crunched on his apple and strolled lazily around Argo, then leaned up against a tree and flipped his little dagger in one hand, then spotted something on the ground and plucked it up to examine it. The armor hampered his movements, but he managed to work around it.   
  
Gabrielle rolled her eyes and recalled the time she'd asked Xena how she could move so easily in her armor since it didn't look all that comfortable. Xena had shrugged and said that's because _she_ wore the armor, the armor didn't wear her. She chose the pieces with care, they protected the most vulnerable parts of her body and allowed her to move freely. Looking at Joxer's mismatched pile of scraps and kitchenware, she was amazed he could move at all.  
  
"Joxer, how attached are you to that armor?" Gabrielle asked.  
  
Joxer's head snapped up and his eyebrows flew up, "My armor?" He looked down at it and shrugged, "I don't know... I've had it for years. Why, something wrong with it?"  
  
Xena and Gabrielle looked sideways at each other and they managed to hold in their laughter. Xena quickly looked away, but Gabrielle could see she was biting the inside of her cheek. Gabrielle rubbed a hand over her mouth to hide a smile. "Not wrong, exactly, since it's kept you alive." Though only the gods knew how, she mused silently. "It just doesn't let you move much and you need a full range of motion to learn the staff."  
  
Joxer considered this for a long moment, "What if I got something lighter at the market when we get the staffs? Something I could wear when we weren't training?"  
  
Gabrielle shook her head, "You'll need to keep your muscles free and flexible when we aren't training." She turned to Xena, who now had Eve over one shoulder and was steadily thumping her back. "Maybe a good leather jerkin?"  
  
Xena nodded, "Yeah, that would do." She looked Joxer over. "Some new gauntlets, too. Pants are roomy and the boots are good, though."  
  
Joxer folded his arms, his mouth twisting into a wry grin, "Glad you approve of _something_. I'm keeping my helmet." He raised a hand to stop the protests he knew were coming, "I won't wear it... not all the time, anyway, but I'm keeping it." Gabrielle raised an eyebrow and he shrugged, "It's actually a handy thing to have around."  
  
The women laughed at that and Xena put a drowsy Eve back into her pouch. Shrugging it on again, she asked Joxer to take Argo's reins and walk on ahead. "I feel like stretching my legs a bit." He nodded, put his helmet back on with a determined pat and lead the horse away.  
  
Xena walked alongside Gabrielle for a few moments until he was out of earshot, then nudged her with an elbow. "We need to talk."  
  
"Talk?" Gabrielle's voice sounded surprised, but inside she was dreading this conversation. "About what?"  
  
"About whatever it is that has you so quiet lately." Xena held up a hand to stop a quick protest. "I know you, Gabrielle. You're never this quiet unless you're ill, and even then you manage to complain about it." She nudged an arm gently against her friend's, "Talk to me."  
  
Gabrielle sighed, knowing she couldn't keep anything from Xena. Of course Xena would notice, she noticed everything. It should surprise her, actually, that it had taken Xena so long to bring it up. Looking down at her fingers, she tried to think where to begin. "Um, well... it's just that... I mean, have you, uh, noticed anything different about Joxer?"  
  
Xena managed to keep the smile out of her voice, "What do you mean, different?"  
  
Gabrielle huffed out an impatient breath, "Come on, Xena! You know what I mean. He's different! This giving up his sword and armor business. That's just not like him. And I'm not the only one who's quiet," Gabrielle pointed out defensively. "He not talking either, well, not to me anyway. I don't know why that should bother me, but I mean he's _always_ yapping away at me and now, I mean, he barely even looks at me, much less talks to me."   
  
Now that she got going she couldn't seem to stop. "I can't be just because I hit him. I mean someone doesn't change that much from something like that, do they? Is he that angry with me? It just not like Joxer to be mad that long. He's never been mad that long! I've apologized for it and everything, but it's like he doesn't want to be around me."   
  
Xena smiled at that, "He agreed to train with you, didn't he? He'll be around you plenty, won't he?"  
  
Gabrielle brushed that comment aside with a wave of her hand, "Yeah, he was just jumping at the chance, wasn't he? That's another thing! Since when does he _not_ jump at the chance to be around me?" Gabrielle sighed and ran her hand through her short hair. Her eyes unfocused a bit, like looking inward. "He once told me he loved me... did you know that? I didn't really think anything of it then. I knew he had a kind of crush on me, but _love_?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe he did, I don't know, but now it's like doesn't even _like_ me! That's really not like him. Something's wrong, Xena."  
  
Xena gave a soft snort of derision, "Sounds like somebody's missing their puppy dog."  
  
Gabrielle stopped in her tracks and glared at Xena. She started to protest, but no sound came out. Xena raised an eyebrow and gave her a knowing look. Gabrielle's shoulders suddenly sagged and she winced, "All right, all right, I know." They continued walking. "I know I've taken him for granted, but...but, Xena, it's more than that. I've never ignored him. I may pick at him a bit, but even when he drives me up the wall, I don't ignore him."  
  
Xena nodded, "So, you feel like Joxer's ignoring you?"  
  
Gabrielle watched Joxer as he lead Argo up ahead of them, chomping on yet another apple. She shook her head, her heart heavy, " I don't know what I'm feeling."  
  
"Maybe you're feeling too much?"   
  
Gabrielle bit her lip and nodded, "Maybe." Her voice then was no more than a whisper, "We've always been friends, Xena. I could always count on that with him, even if he wanted more." She looked down at her hands again, "I'm afraid I've lost that. "  
  
Xena's heart twisted. Gabrielle sounded so sad, she put an arm around her shoulder. "He's still your friend, Gabrielle. Look, now that you know he's not your puppy dog, you can start being a little more friendly to him. He's sure to come around."  
  
Gabrielle blushed a bit at the thought of being "more friendly", but didn't look very convinced. Xena gave her an extra squeeze and Gabrielle nodded, walking on ahead. Xena noticed, however, that her step was lighter.  
  
They arrived in Lemnos around mid-afternoon and left Argo to graze while they walked into town. The marketplace wasn't too crowded, but business was brisk and the atmosphere was friendly. Xena headed straight for the weapons stall, while Gabrielle lagged behind, her eyes devouring the various wares displayed on the booths they passed.   
  
Several swords and daggers were spread out over the table, gleaming brightly. Xena ran a finger over the exquisitely designed hilts and tested a few for their weight and balance while Gabrielle and Joxer checked out the staffs. There weren't many, but Gabrielle managed to find two suitable ones carved from solid oak.   
  
Joxer's staff was made of a darker polished wood. A two-foot length of leather with a shorter length of green wool layered over it was laced tightly around the middle. A ring of birds was carved into each end, their wings spread and touching tip to tip. The design made him smile. Birds in flight...soaring, free... a perfect symbol for the new direction his life was taking.  
  
Gabrielle twirled her new staff lightly, getting the feel of it. Made of a lighter shade of oak, it was smooth and polished to a shine. It had the same length of leather around the middle, but the cloth layered over it was a muted shade of red. An intricate band of swirls were carved into each end, making her think of wisps of smoke and twirling ribbons. Fanciful, yet strong and sensual at the same time. Gabrielle ran her fingers over the swirls and smiled... whoever carved them had known a few Amazons.  
  
Xena found a pair of simple gauntlets of studded leather that fit Joxer from wrist to mid-forearm. After slipping them on and tightening the straps, Joxer moved his arms around and declared them quite comfortable. Trading his sword and scabbard, along with a couple of dinars, for the staffs and gauntlets, they roamed the stalls for the new outfit he would also need.   
  
Gabrielle's sharp eye spotted just the thing and tugged Joxer into a clothing booth. Xena slid one arm out of Eve's pouch and pulled it around so she could smile at her daughter while waiting for them. Several minutes later, Gabrielle tugged Joxer back out again. He wore a loose-fitting white shirt with his gauntlets tied over the sleeves. Over the shirt was a tanned leather jerkin, a sleeveless garment that fit like a tunic, but with a V-ed neck and fastened down the middle with five leather ties. It fell to just below his hips and split at the side seams from his waist for easy movement.   
  
Xena motioned for him to turn around and smiled down at Eve, who was gurgling around her fists, "So, what do you think of Uncle Joxer?"  
  
Eve suddenly shrieked happily and began flailing her little arms around, her tiny feet kicking inside the pouch. Xena chuckled, "Kiddo, you're absolutely right!"  
  
Gabrielle chuckled, "I quite agree. She has excellent taste." By the gods, he _did_ look good. The lines of the jerkin made him look taller. He really cut a fine figure, now that it wasn't hidden under all that bulky armor. Long and lean and - her eyes trailed down the length of his arms to the hand gripping his new staff - nice and strong...  
  
Joxer's neck went red at the compliments, but he grinned and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. Xena caught Gabrielle's eyes and watched in secret delight as her own neck turned a very telling shade of red, too.   
  
Gabrielle cleared her throat, "Hey Xena, I found something in here you're just gonna love."  
  
Xena groaned, "Oh no, forget it! I'm not trying on anything--"  
  
"No, no, it's not for you," Gabrielle laughed. "I've long since given up on that. It's for Eve."  
  
Xena's eyes lighted up with interest and she followed her through the wall of hanging clothes. While they oohed and ahhed over a selection of infantwear, Joxer made a quick escape to buy an armful of meat pies, a chunk of cheese, a few loaves of bread and such for their lunch. He had everything wrapped and stuffed into a sack when the women found him and showed off Eve's new bunting outfit. It was made of soft homespun dyed a bright green with little white flowers stitched around the neck and hem. A matching cap flopped adorably over her little head.  
  
"For someone who doesn't like to shop, Mommy took her sweet time choosing that little number," Gabrielle smiled and nudged Xena, who nudged right back and gave her a superior look.  
  
"It takes time to find something as adorable as my daughter, but this comes close." Xena led the way back out of town, cooing sweetly at Eve and fiddling with the tiny sleeves. Gabrielle looked over at Joxer, biting her lip to stifle a laugh. A hand covered his mouth, but laughter sparkled from his eyes as they met hers in shared amusement.   
  
They shared the meal outside of town, preferring a private spot under a shady tree in the cool air to a crowded town square or a noisy tavern. Hunger abated, Joxer was itching to try out his new staff. Smiling at his eagerness, Gabrielle showed him a few basic moves. First the starting defensive pose, staff held loosely in a diagonal across the body. Then, using a tree trunk as a substitute attacker, she struck it where the attacker's head, chest, stomach and knees would be. She moved the staff slowly, falling back into the defensive pose after each strike and nodding as he copied her movements, at first hesitant, but quickly making firmer, more confident strikes.  
  
"Good!" Gabrielle smiled and nodded at his staff. "You move well with it."   
  
Joxer stared at the weapon in his hands with a kind of awe. "Thanks." He ran a thumb over the carved birds on one end, his voice tinged with wonder, "It felt good."   
  
Gabrielle felt a pull at her heart, knowing that feeling all too well. She'd been terribly clumsy when the Amazon Eponin had first tried to teach her. She made many mistakes and gave herself plenty of bruises, but her confidence had soared every time she did a move correctly. All he needed was encouragement - she could already see he had the potential to master the weapon.  
  
"Tomorrow we'll go through a routine of moves that you'll do everyday to keep your reflexes sharp and your mind focused," Gabrielle explained. "After a while, the staff will become like an extension of your body and the moves will be second nature."  
  
Joxer looked disappointed that the lesson would end so soon, but Gabrielle wasn't finished. "Along with reflexes and focus you need flexibility. The new clothes will give you a full range of motion, but you need to be able to use it. After your routine every morning, while your blood is pumping, you'll be doing a series of stretches to limber up those muscles, okay?"  
  
Joxer nodded, "Okay. Can you show them to me now? My blood is pumping pretty good."  
  
She nodded, he did indeed look energized. Breathing a little heavier from the exertion...eyes bright with anticipation... yeah, she could imagine how his blood was pumping... her own was doing some serious pounding through her veins. With an effort, she pulled her mind out of the cesspit and demonstrated some stretches, using her staff to help her as she limbered her arm and leg and back muscles.   
  
Joxer carefully copied her movements and was pleasantly surprised at how good the movements felt. Gabrielle watched him and found her mind slipping right back into that cesspit. She had to attribute his clumsiness in the past to that ridiculous armor he wore and that sword he tried to swing around, because he certainly wasn't clumsy now. There was an almost lazy quality in the way he moved. He practically flowed from one position to the next, just as she did.  
  
Watching him, she was reminded of his identical brother Jace and his dance troupe in Melodia. Though different in many ways, - Gabrielle grinned, _many_ ways - they shared a similar grace of movement. Of course, Jace was flamboyantly sexual in the way he moved and presented himself, but Joxer...  
  
Gabrielle smiled, leaning her cheek against her staff. No, Joxer had a naturally sensual way of moving, but it didn't scream at you. It whispered. She may not have heard it before, but she sure heard it now. Somehow, it was sexier because he had no idea how he moved and the images it brought to mind... at least to her mind. Damn, I bet he's a great dancer. The images that thought conjured up made her skin tingle.  
  
"Gabrielle?"  
  
"Hmmm?" She was lost in her thoughts and didn't notice that he'd stopped stretching. He'd stopped because _she'd_ stopped. Holy Hera! How long had she been staring at him?   
  
"Are we done?" His voice was puzzled, but pleasant as he leaned against his staff, watching her.  
  
Gabrielle started to stammer, but Xena saved her by cheerfully mentioning that they'd made a good start and praising Joxer's first efforts. She then suggested that they all should head further down the road to find a good place to set up camp for the evening, since they'd spent the extra dinars they may have used for rooms at the market that day. Joxer agreed and caught the sack of food Xena had packed up and tossed to him. Gabrielle eyed her warily, cheeks flushed, but Xena just winked and took hold of Argo's reins.   
  



	4. Sinking4

After two weeks of steady training, Gabrielle was amazed at Joxer's progress. After only a couple days of going through the routine and stretches with him, Joxer'd had the moves down pat and went through them smoothly alongside her. On the third day, she'd led him through a series of strikes and blocks. They'd went through them slowly at first, then gradually picked up speed. She would occasionally throw in a surprise strike to keep him on his toes and he'd managed to block most of them. He'd gotten plenty of bruises on his arms and legs, but his reflexes soon sharpened and Gabrielle had to work harder to block him.   
  
Joxer took the training very seriously. There was a determined gleam in his eyes that was sometimes so fierce when they were sparring, it made a tingle dance up Gabrielle's spine. When he put his mind to doing something right, he focused all his attention on it. That made Gabrielle wonder what it would be like to be the center of all that attention...which had that tingle dancing up her spine again. By the end of that first week, he was almost up to speed with her in face-to-face fighting, so Gabrielle upped the challenge the next week by moving around.   
  
Circling, advancing and retreating, it felt really good to spar with the staff again. Gabrielle didn't realize how much she missed it until she had someone to practice with. She went slowly, letting Joxer get accustomed to sidestepping, doing crossovers, and spinning on the ball of one foot while he kept his eyes out for her strikes. His natural grace kept him balanced and by the end of the second week they were moving all around the camp, striking and blocking with lightning moves and working up a good sweat.  
  
Today, while teaching Joxer some more advanced maneuvers, Gabrielle found her eyes constantly watching him. No matter how he might have bumbled around in the past, there was no sign of clumsiness in the way he moved now. He tumbled smoothly through a roll-and-strike. Jumped swiftly when she swept at his feet, ducked an overhead strike, then followed through with a swipe at her own feet, all in one movement. He twirled his staff from hand to hand, through his arms, and around his body with such ease, it was as if he'd been born with a staff in his hand.   
  
And he enjoyed it. That was the thing that had her staring. The satisfaction on his face when he did a move correctly, the glow of pleasure every time she declared they could take it up a level, the almost predatory gleam in his eyes as he went on the offensive, relishing the challenge of slipping past her expert defenses. He seemed genuinely happy. After her own sword practice, Xena often stood at a safe distance with Eve and watched them. She was always ready with an encouraging comment, which made Joxer smile.   
  
His smile... gods, it made her heart skip every time. His smile had always been sweet, in a goofy kind of way, but now it was more confident... more carefree... Gabrielle sighed inwardly as she leapt back to avoid his swing at her knee... it was just _more_. They were working up a nice sweat, the staffs swinging then connecting with loud thwacks. Beads of it ran down her neck and down her back, but she felt energized, her blood pumping as she stepped forward and swung high. Joxer snapped one end of his staff up and blocked, grinning. She grinned back and swung the other end of her staff up to jab at his stomach, but before it even got close he brought the middle of his staff down against it so quickly, she knew it was pure reflex. He looked down at his staff in surprise.  
  
"Yes!" Gabrielle smiled widely and tapped her staff lightly against his. "That's excellent, Joxer!" She couldn't have been more pleased with him than at that moment, her heart was full to bursting.  
  
He smiled at the staff in his hands, amazed, then looked up at her. Their eyes caught and held for a long moment as they both smiled. Then he looked puzzled and looked away, his brow creasing into a frown.   
  
"Joxer?" Gabrielle asked, struck by the sudden change.  
  
He took a deep breath, then rested his staff in the crook of his arm. "I doubt I'll do any better than that today. How about a break?" He walked over to where the waterskins rested against a rock and took a long drag from one.  
  
Gabrielle wiped the sweat from her brow and leaned against her staff. "Sure." Joxer handed her the other waterskin and watched her thoughtfully as she swallows gulps of water, then turned away. "Actually, I'm beat. Let's pick up again tomorrow." He tossed his waterskin down. "I'm gonna go down to the stream and wash up." He was walking away before he'd even finished the sentence.  
  
Gabrielle wiped the water from her mouth with the back of her hand and watched him walk off. Okay, what was that? She poured a little water into her hands and splashed it over her face, smiling. He's getting really good. A couple times I had to rely on my own reflexes to block him. Her mouth twisted up into a wry grin. I better not tell _him_ that, he's liable to all cocky and... she shook her head... no, he wouldn't do that. He didn't strut or make a big display of it like she thought he would. She'd expected it, had braced herself for it in that first week, but he just seemed to soak up and store inside all the praise and encouragement she and Xena gave him. No, telling him that he was becoming a challenge wouldn't make him swagger. He'd just walk a little taller and work even harder to prove he _was_ a challenge.  
  
She sighed heavily. As much as she admired this new quality in Joxer, a part of her missed how silly he used to be. Yes, she'd found it a little irritating sometimes, but she could always count on him for a smile. He was more serious now, often falling into long silences that rivaled even Xena's brooding habits, though Eve's antics could always coax a smile or a laugh out of him. While he was still the same gentle, good-natured man she'd always known, she found herself missing that boyish sense of humor and lighthearted attitude.  
  
A sudden painful shout interrupted her thoughts, making her drop her water skin and grip her staff. That was Joxer! Gabrielle rushed through the heavy brush toward the stream. Was it an ambush? Was he hurt? She broke through the bushes and glanced quickly around for trouble, but didn't see any attackers. A splash brought her attention to the water and suddenly her knees threatened to give way.   
  
In the knee-high water, Joxer was pushing himself up from all fours and struggling get back on his feet. His pants were soaked through, his feet were bare, and he was stripped from the waist up. Good-gods-on-Mount-Olympus! Gabrielle pressed a hand between her breasts, trying to calm her racing heart.  
  
  
  
Where in the world did Joxer get that body? His arms were firm, the muscles tight and defined and wonderfully long. His chest... she gulped, but watched in fascination as he shook the water from his hair and his tight pectorals played deliciously under his smooth skin. Zeus above, where did those abs come from? Her hands suddenly itched to trace those tight mounds of muscle over his stomach, but she curled them into fists and pressed them against her legs. Joxer looked down into the water, frowned, then turned to look behind him... and Gabrielle's jaw dropped.  
  
My oh my oh my, she quirked an eyebrow and smiled. Her eyes roamed down the line of his back...then lower. The water plastered his pants to his body, proving that the muscles there were just as impressive. Gods, she could really use a dip in that stream right about now. She wet her dry lips, about to speak, but he turned back around, a mighty frown on his face. Breathe, Gabrielle...  
  
"Jo--" She cleared her throat and tried again. "Ah-hum! Joxer? Are you all right?"  
  
Joxer looked up at her with a sarcastic grin and ran a hand through his wet hair. Wincing, he cradled his left hand in his right. "Oh, yeah, just dandy!"  
  
Concerned, Gabrielle went to him. "Are you hurt? Let me see." She reached for his hand.  
  
He sighed and let her examine it, totally disgusted with himself. "Slipped on a rock. Fell on my face. What else is new?"   
  
Gabrielle smiled down at his hand, there were _many_ things new about him. His hand wasn't injured badly, just a scraped palm and a bruise across the heel, so the rock he landed on hadn't been very sharp. She ran her fingers across to see if it hurt him, but he didn't flinch, then she did it again... just because she wanted to. "It's not bad. We'll put some salve and a binding on it for a couple days." She patted his wrist reassuringly.  
  
"A couple days?" Joxer looked worried. "We can still train, right? It doesn't hurt _that_ bad. I yelled more from surprise than pain, you know." His injured hand, which she was still holding, turned and gripped hers. His free hand came up to hold her wrist underneath.   
  
Gabrielle couldn't move. His hands were warm and strong and they felt really good covering her hand. She took a quick breath and put her free hand over his. "Joxer--" Her tongue suddenly stopped working, she was caught by the intensity in his eyes.   
  
Intense -- yeah, that was a great word for what she was feeling. An intense desire to have those hands on her... to put her hands on him. The memory of that incredible kiss flashed through her mind again and her blood was surging and her heart was thudding and he was standing so close and those eyes were so... so...  
  
Gabrielle felt a moment of panic and pulled her hands away from his. He winced at the friction, surprise and confusion spreading over his face. Gabrielle stepped away, shaken by her feelings. "Um, you'll be fine. We can, uh..." she swallowed and took another step away, "work on some one-handed moves until it heals." She pointed a thumb behind her, stepping backward, "I'll just get the--" she stumbled into the bushes, but quickly righted herself before she fell. "I'll go find the salve," she mumbled quickly then turned and pushed back through the bushes.  
  
Joxer stood there staring at the bushes for a long moment, then frowned down at his injured palm. He winced again, sucking in a deep breath. His right hand came up to rub at the throbbing ache in his chest.  
  


**********  
  
For the sake of her own sanity, Gabrielle knew she had to slow things down a bit with this whole Joxer-thing. It was getting too intense for her peace of mind. So, for the next three days, in order to let his hand completely heal, Gabrielle eased up on the lessons. After their stretching routine, she showed Joxer a few one-handed moves that he could do with his right hand and arm, then left him to practice them on his own. Since it was his dominant hand, he was soon doing the moves expertly.  
  
She went back to camp and exercised with her sais while she waited for him to finish. He was so calm, so focused, so totally _unaffected_ by anything that had happened yesterday, Gabrielle knew if she stayed, she might do something incredibly foolish like start crying right there in front of him.  
  
It actually worked out well for them both. Gabrielle was able to clear her head, get a little control, and concentrate on establishing a friendship between them again. For those three days, Xena would wait for them to finish their morning routines, then hand Eve over while she went off to do her swordplay. Eve made a great buffer between them as they sat, not close, but near each other and played with her. This made it easier for them to talk, and they _did_ talk.  
  
  
  
Gabrielle had been pleased to find that while Joxer held Eve and played with her little hands or made faces or sang silly songs, he'd laugh and joke and chat on and on about this and that just like he used to. Though he would only occasionally glance at Gabrielle during this time, she found she didn't mind at all. It felt so good to be able to relax around him and enjoy his company without any emotional upheaval.  
  
Well, almost. It lasted only until Eve got fussy and Xena would return just in time for another feeding. Then Joxer would grow silent again and start packing up camp. Oh, he chatted with Xena a bit if she happened to say anything to him, and appeared perfectly content, but the friendly, carefree mood of only a few moments before would vanish. Back again was the polite, uninterested Joxer that confused and excited and frustrated the hell out of her. Gabrielle would work silently around him, a strange hollowness spreading through her, dampening her spirits. She would be so close to making a real connection with him, then she'd be yanked back to where she was before... being practically ignored. She didn't know which was more unbearable; that he didn't share her desire or he didn't share her friendship.  
  
Joxer's hand had quickly healed after those three short days and was ready for regular training again. Gabrielle didn't want to lose those precious moments of friendship with him so soon, so she had him practice the same one-handed movements with his left hand. This one being his weaker hand, and having to learn everything backward, it took a good week before he could go through the maneuvers equally well with both hands, switching back and forth and incorporating the new swings and thrusts into his regular routine.  
  
Little did they know how soon he would have to put them to actual use.  
  
Making their way through some foothills, Xena suddenly brought Argo to a halt. She held up a hand for silence before Gabrielle could even open her mouth to ask what was wrong. After a few moments, Xena dismounted and gave Gabrielle a slow smile.   
  
Gabrielle raised an eyebrow. "How many?"  
  
"Six."  
  
A woman's scream came from just around the next hill. Xena grabbed her sword and took off with Gabrielle right behind her, staff at ready. Joxer stood still for a moment, gripping his staff with sweaty hands, then took a deep breath and plunged ahead.  
  
He rounded the bend just in time to see Xena's chakram hit the head of a thug who had just delivered a vicious backfisted punch, knocking out an unarmed man. The thug fell to the ground like a puppet getting its strings cut. Three thugs ransacking a loaded wagon saw this, whipped out knives, and roared as they ran at Xena. Xena laughed deep in her throat and shoved her sword point first into the ground.  
  
Gabrielle just ran right past them, her eyes on the woman who had screamed. Her arms were held behind her by another thug, who was laughing and dragging her back toward some bushes. The woman already had a split lip and the beginnings of a nasty bruise on her cheek. He saw Gabrielle running toward him and grinned, making Gabrielle slow down. That was not a good sign. The thug drew a knife and held it to the woman's throat while he yanked her head back by her long blonde hair. The woman moaned softly, her eyes wide with fear and pleading.  
  
Joxer stood there, unable to move as he watched Xena expertly dodging knives and delivering various kicks and punches to her three ruffians. This was a real fight. With real bad guys. With real weapons. He held his staff close to his body. He had a real weapon, too, and he knew how to use it. So why couldn't he move? He swallowed hard and counted the men. One down...Xena had three... Gabrielle facing down one... that's only five! He spun around, staff outstretched. No, not behind him. He jerked his head around, trying to spot number six.  
  
What was that? A movement in the bushes off to the right. He stepped closer, his heart pounding. The leaves shook slightly. Wait... these were pretty small bushes and why would a thug be hiding in the bushes anyway? Puzzled, Joxer used the tip of his staff to move aside some of the branches of the shaking bush. The wide, frightened eyes of a little sandy-haired boy and even littler golden-haired girl. They clung to each other as they stared up at him.   
  
Gabrielle looked hard at the woman then glared at the thug, "I think you should put that _down_." She looked hard at the woman again. The woman's eyes were clearer but confused.   
  
The thug didn't say a word, just kept smiling and pressed the knife harder to the woman's throat. A thin line of blood welled under the knife. Gabrielle's breath caught and she looked at the woman again. The woman's teary eyes searched hers frantically.  
  
Gabrielle licked her lips and tried again. "Put it _down_ or I'll beat you _to the ground_!"  
  
The thug stopped smiling and gripped the knife harder and Gabrielle knew he was going to slit the woman's throat, but suddenly the woman slumped heavily against him. This distracted the thug enough to loosen his hold on her and she slid down to the ground. Before he could blink, Gabrielle swung hard at his head, the staff making a sickening thunk as it connected. He spun completely around before toppling sideways and thudding to the ground.   
  
All at once, Xena punched out with both fists and kicked out with a foot. Three bloodied-up ruffians collapsed into a pile. Xena pursed her lips and took up her sword again. Giving it a twirl, she peeked behind her to check on Eve in her pack. The baby was contentedly chewing on, then studying, her slobbery fists.  
  
Joxer's heart clenched at the sight of the two children and slowly bent down and laid his staff on the ground beside him. "It's all right." He held his open hands out close to his chest. "I'm not gonna hurt you." He smiled kindly at them and was relieved to see the fright fade from their eyes and their little bodies relax.   
  
He looked behind him to see Xena and Gabrielle putting their opponents down and turned back to the children. Pointing a thumb toward them, he spoke softly. "Your mom and dad will be okay. See? Those are my friends. They're taking care of the bad guys." The little boy swallowed, then craned his neck around to see the two women standing over the bad men laying on the ground. He looked back at Joxer and his eyes got wide and scared as he clutched his sister.  
  
Joxer heard the angry growl behind him and froze for a second. His mind went blank and his body just reacted, one hand snapping up his staff, his body rolling on the ground and driving the end of the staff into the last thug's belly. A knife fell from an upraised hand. Joxer swung straight down, bonking the thug square on the head. The man's eyes rolled back and he fell face-first in the dirt.   
  
Joxer dropped his staff and lay there panting like he'd run a mile. He slowly sat up and glanced back and forth from the weapon at his feet to the thug drooling on the ground. He looked at his hands and gulped, his brain unable to believe what those hands had just done. A tug on his shirt made him look to his left. The boy stood there holding his little sister's hand. She held her brother's hand to her little chest and sucked on her thumb. The first thought in Joxer's mind was the boy couldn't be more that seven years old... the girl not more than four.   
  
"You okay, mister?" the boy said, his voice shaky. Joxer's head cleared instantly and he grinned wryly, "Yeah. You okay?" The boy grinned, "Yeah."   
  
Joxer cocked his head to the side and smiled at the girl, "How about you, sweetheart? Are you all right?" Her thumb fixed firmly in her mouth, she let go of her brother's hand and stepped up to Joxer. She wrapped her free arm right around his neck and gave him a squeeze. Joxer felt that squeeze right around his heart as he closed his eyes and patted her back.  
  
Gabrielle helped the woman to her feet. "Are you okay?" The woman gripped Gabrielle's hands, "Jonas... Lana... my children! They ran when those men attacked us!" She looked around frantically, then sagged with relief to see Joxer walking toward them with Jonas by the hand and little Lana on his hip. Jonas carried Joxer's staff like a walking stick, looking terribly adorable as the staff was almost twice as tall as he was.  
  
Gabrielle could feel her heart melting. It was such an appealing image. She imagined the children he held as _their_ children and felt a pang inside that stole her breath. The mother ran to her children and hugged Joxer tightly, weeping and thanking him for keeping her children safe.  
  
The father came to and Xena helped him to his feet. With the family reunited, they learned the parents names were Theo and Della. Theo clasped them all by the arm and thanked them profusely for their help. Xena shrugged off Eve's pack and handed her to Joxer, then she and Theo got busy gagging and hog-tying all the ruffians. Xena whistled for Argo then gathered up all the dropped knives. She wrapped them in a cloth and stowed them away in her saddlebag. Gabrielle got out the pot of salve and tended to the cut on Della's throat. The children sat with Joxer and played with Eve and laughed at her gurgles.  
  
Theo explained that they were moving to the little village of Palinus, only two miles away, to live with Della's mother. They had lived in Athens for a while until Della's mother wrote that her father's horse that thrown him and he was laid up with a broken leg. They were going to live there and help run the farm while her father recuperated. Theo insisted they come along so he could by them all a round at the tavern, and soon they were all headed toward Palinus.  
  
The whole way there Jonas gabbed nonstop about how Joxer moved so fast and _BAM!_ whacked the "big ugly man" and could he have stick, too, and could Joxer show him how to whack with his stick and...on and on he went, skipping along next to Joxer and using his staff to jab at the ground and make long jumps. Joxer didn't say anything, indeed he couldn't get a word in edgewise, he just flushed and rubbed at his neck as everyone chuckled at the little boy's antics.  
  
Once they arrived at the village, they were all warmly welcomed by Della's cousin Ruleen, a tall, lively redheaded woman with a big smile and an even bigger voice. She exclaimed and fretted when she heard about the attack and was heartily effusive in showing her gratitude to Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer. Ruleen then declared that she was buying them all a round at the tavern, and not to argue because it never did anyone any good to argue with her.   
  
Indeed, she never stopped talking long enough for _anyone_ to argue with her. Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer just stared at her, quite overwhelmed. Ruleen was making wide gestures for them to come with her, but before they could be herded en masse into the tavern, Della laughed softly and calmly stepped up her cousin, wrapping and arm around her waist and a palm over her mouth, effectively silencing her.  
  
"You go right on ahead, but I need to see mother and get these children settled at home." Della smiled at her cousin and Ruleen giggled behind Della's hand. She took it away from her mouth and pressed a quick kiss to it. "Well, I'll go along and help you unload the wagon while Theo takes your friends to the tavern. Theo, you tell Melvis to put the first round on *my* tab, you hear?" Theo opened his mouth to speak, but she slapped him lightly on the arm, "Oh, all right! You'll want to get the first one, so I insist on the second!" She gave hugs to Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer, who continued to simply stare at her, and climbed up into the wagon and took the reins.   
  
Della shook her head in exasperation, kissed her husband, and handed Lana up to her cousin. Climbing up beside her, she gently admonished Jonas to give the staff back to Joxer. He did so, albeit reluctantly, and Joxer ruffled his hair and swiftly hefted him up to his mother. The women rode away, the air filled with Ruleen's excited voice and Jonas exclaiming that he was going to make his own stick to fight bad guys with.  
  
The four stood there silently staring after the wagon. The woman was like a tidal wave, leaving a person stunned and unbalanced in her wake! Theo shook his head in wonder, "I last saw Ruleen when Della and I were married here eight years ago. I can't believe how mellow she's become!"  
  
His words effectively broke the spell over them and they all burst with laughter. Theo nodded, "It's true! And she's right, I _will_ be buying the first round. Come, my friends!"  
  
Xena and Gabrielle turned to go with him, but Joxer hung back. He leaned against his staff and told them he'd be along in a minute. The ladies followed Theo to the tavern, but Gabrielle kept looking back over her shoulder. The tavern was full and busy and filled with cheerful voices. Gabrielle got Xena's attention and motioned that she was going back after Joxer. Xena nodded and squeezed her arm then followed Theo to the bar.  
  
She didn't immediately see him outside, or in the square, or between any buildings. Concerned, she backtracked down the road leading into the village and soon found his staff poking up from behind a large boulder way off to the side. Joxer sat on the ground with his arms resting on his bent knees, holding the staff up between them. He cocked his head slightly in her direction when he heard her, but didn't move or speak.   
  
Gabrielle understood his need to be alone now. His first fight after all that training, so many thoughts and feelings churning inside. She settled down next to him, but didn't say anything, just waited until he was ready to talk. Joxer finally just shook his head slowly, "I can't believe I froze like that. You and Xena just ran right into all of it and I couldn't move."  
  
Gabrielle felt a wave of emotion wash over her. It was something beyond pride and very different from those flashes of desire. It was terribly fierce, but at the same time, incredibly tender. Her heart throbbed with it and she felt such a lump in her throat, she couldn't speak, but she had an urge to just wrap her arms around him and hug him tight. She knew she had to say something, so she swallowed hard and put her hand on his shoulder. "But you _did_ move, Joxer. You found Jonas and Lana and you saved their lives." He stiffened, but she squeezed his shoulder, "You did. You've worked so hard and you did a great job and... " Her voice sank to a rough whisper, "... and I'm so proud of you, Joxer!"  
  
For a long moment, Joxer didn't respond, but then he covered her hand with one of his. He looked up at her and Gabrielle couldn't breathe. His eyes were bright and warm and filled with... she couldn't really tell with what, but it was nice and she felt her body leaning slightly toward his. Her eyes flicked down to his lips and saw them curved a bit, then flicked back up. His hand squeezed hers and she felt her stomach flip and she wanted to lean closer... her eyes flicked back down... oh yeah, and she _really_ wanted to...  
  
"Thank you." Gabrielle saw his lips form the words, but it took them a moment to push through the fog in her brain. Her eyes snapped up to his and she realized what had been shining from them -- gratitude. A chill seeped down her back like she'd been doused with cold water. She pulled back from him, but he gripped her hand tighter. She suddenly felt trapped, panic rising in her chest.  
  
Joxer just smiled, oblivious to the chaos swirling inside her. "I mean it. Thank you for saying that. And for teaching me." He shifted to face her, setting the staff on the ground, but kept hold of her hand, taking it in both of his. "It just happened, you know? One second, I knew he was behind me and it all just... happened! And _I_ did that. Me! It felt really scary... but really good, too. So, thank you."  
  
It surprised Gabrielle how a person could speak normally while their heart was breaking. He was smiling at her. A nice smile. A friendly smile. A great big freakin' grateful smile! She had a sudden vicious urge to wipe it right off his face! Instead, she gently extricated her hand from his and tried to smile back at him, though she knew it came out as more of a grimace. "Don't thank me. I may have taught you the moves, but you put in the work. You trained hard and stayed focused and, naturally, it became a part of you. You should be very proud of yourself." Gabrielle quickly changed the subject by standing up and brushing off her skirt. "Come on, we have Xena and several rounds of drinks waiting for us at the tavern!"  
  
Joxer laughed and hopped up off the ground. As they walked back, he chatted amiably beside her about how the village looked familiar to him and that he thought he'd been there before, but he couldn't really remember when. Gabrielle followed quietly behind him into the tavern.   
  
Joxer heard his name shouted from the bar and when he saw the barkeep he laughed out loud, "Melvis! I knew I'd been here before! How're you doing?" While Joxer and Melvis got reacquainted, Gabrielle found Xena and sat next to her. Theo happily shoved an ale into her hand. The air was thick with laughter and cheers and good wishes to the three newcomers as word of their help in the attack spread around. Gabrielle nodded and smiled and raised her pint as toast after toast was made, but inside she felt terribly numb. Xena settled Eve in her other arm and nudged Gabrielle, asking with her eyes what was wrong. Gabrielle just shook her head and took a long drink. She couldn't talk about it right now.  
  
"Hey, lookie here!" Joxer exclaimed, propping his staff up against the wall. From behind his back, he produced his lyre with an exaggerated flourish. "I wondered where I'd lost this thing. Seems I left it here a couple months ago and my friend Melvis held onto it for me." He sat and began fiddling with the tuning pegs, holding it to his ear and plucking at the strings. Gabrielle finished her ale and grabbed another from a girl passing with a tray full of pints.   
  
Several people demanded a song, so Joxer jumped up and obliged them. He obliged them with song after song and soon others were singing along. Voices rose, people swayed, and ale flowed long into the night. Gabrielle watched him having a grand ole time through bleary eyes. Melvis offered them rooms for the night and Xena gratefully accepted. She laid Eve against her shoulder, pulled Gabrielle by the hand and asked Melvis to let Joxer know that they were calling it a night.   
  
ON MOUNT OLYMPUS  
  
Aphrodite sat on a pile of plumpy cushions, watching the tavern through a large oval mirror on the wall of her temple. The view through the mirror looked down over all the drinking and singing then panned up to the second floor. Xena sat rocking her baby to sleep and over on the bed Gabrielle lay curled on her side away from them.   
  
The goddess sat up straighter as the mirror zoomed in on the bard. As a tear rolled down Gabrielle's face, Aphrodite sniffled into her silk hanky and pressed a hand to the terrible ache in her heart. "It _is_ a bitch, isn't it, babe?"  



	5. Sinking5

Xena woke up very early the next morning, a good hour before Eve's next feeding and long before Gabrielle would even think of stirring. And considering the amount of ale she'd consumed the night before, there was going to be even more grunting and snarling than usual. Xena lay there, arms behind her head, thoughts buzzing around in her brain.   
  
Time was running out. The weeks had just flown by and now there were only three days left until the next full moon. As far as she could tell, things were progressing pretty well between Gabrielle and Joxer. She knew Gabrielle had some real feelings for him, but she had to know if they were strong enough, deep enough, true enough to break the effect of those arrows.  
  
Looking over at her sleeping friend, Xena recalled the sadness, the weariness she'd seen on her face last night. Sighing, she decided to give her the day to recover from the bear of a hangover she was sure to have before asking about her feelings.   
  
Hours later, Gabrielle splashed her face with cold water and tried to keep the bite of bread she managed to eat for breakfast from coming back up. Xena and Joxer were waiting for her, so she strapped on her sais and grabbed her staff, leaning on it as she went downstairs. Eve bounced on Xena's knee while Joxer played a lively tune for her. He looked disgustingly cheerful for a man who must have certainly emptied a few kegs of ale last night. Gabrielle shook her head, then grunted at the resulting pounding in her temples. No, he'd probably been too busy singing and dancing and playing that blasted thing to drink very much. Well, whatever. The gods knew she'd never touch another drop of ale ever again.  
  
Before they left, Xena spoke quietly to Melvis for a moment, then handed him a wrapped bundle. He nodded and grasped her arm, then bid them all farewell. It wasn't until they were down the road from Palinus, and the pain in Gabrielle's head had receded to a dull ache, before she asked Xena about the bundle. Xena just shrugged and told her that she'd sold the knives from the thugs at the marketplace and asked Melvis to pass along the dinars to Theo and Della, no big deal. Gabrielle smiled at Xena's casual attitude over such a generous gesture, but didn't say anything. Even after all this time, Xena was still uncomfortable discussing any of her good deeds and Gabrielle respected that.  
  
Xena watched her two friends carefully and was glad to see that at least they were walking on the same side of Argo again. They chatted easily enough... well, Joxer did, anyway. At a glance, you'd assume everything was just peachy the way they talked and smiled and even laughed a few times, but Xena saw past all that. She noticed the very controlled way Gabrielle walked, careful not to brush against Joxer, but also careful to lengthen her strides enough to stay at his side. Xena noticed the smile on her face was forced, the cheerfulness in her voice was strained, and the shadows in her eyes very troubling. She couldn't let this continue. She would talk to her today.  
  
A cool breeze brought Xena to a halt. She sniffed the air and gazed at the sky for a long moment. "Rain. Any minute now."   
  
"The cliffs?" Gabrielle asked, knowing they could take shelter in a cave, if there was one, or at least under an outcropping, if there wasn't.  
  
Xena nodded and prodded Argo with her heels. Gabrielle and Joxer raced after her, a light drizzle already sprinkling down over them. Xena got there first and darted with Eve into what was more of a crack in the rock than a cave and Argo quickly got herself under a nearby outcropping. A few moments later, Gabrielle and Joxer scrambled inside, but the drizzle had already turned to fat drops, soaking their heads and shoulders.   
  
The rock walls narrowed behind them then widened again into a small cave, like a belt had been tightened between the two spaces. The rain came down harder and harder, so Xena knew they were in for a long wait. Whistling for Argo, she squeezed past the cinched-in rock and asked Gabrielle and Joxer to unload their supplies. Gabrielle darted under the outcropping and tossed the packs to Joxer, who set them inside just inside the cave. When they had them all, they squeezed into the cave, where Xena was already making a small fire.  
  
Eve began to fuss, making her I'm-bored whimpers instead of her I'm-hungry ones, so Gabrielle rifled through her pack and took out her scroll pouch. Selecting one, she settled down next to Xena and shifted the baby into her lap. "Come on, Eve. Auntie Gabrielle's gonna read you a story, okay?" Rocking a bit form side to side, she shook out the scroll and began to read, "This one is called _The Quill is Mightier_"  
  
Xena snorted, but Gabrielle elbowed her sharply and continued. Eve quickly recognized the smooth, rhythmic ebb and flow of Gabrielle's reading voice and quieted. Her bright eyes stared in fascination at Gabrielle's mouth as it formed each word. Her tiny hands reached up to capture those moving lips. Gabrielle laughed and kissed those grabby fingers.   
  
She told the story of that enchanted scroll and the amazing things it made happen... gods made mortal, barbarians in a cave, a hormone-driven Minya, and so on. Xena found a rip in her gauntlet to repair as she listened with one ear. On the other side of the fire, Joxer stretched his legs out as he leaned against the rock wall. He watched the fire and listened, a small smile played on his lips as he remembered that day.  
  
The more Gabrielle read from her scroll, the deeper the crease between her brows became. Her voice never faltered, but her mind was going _Wait a minute!_. There was only a casual mention of the three naked copies of herself that Joxer had conjured up and how they were dismissed to the caves... and no mention at all of the necklace Joxer had traded his old scabbard for. She had written only that the scabbard she'd hidden the enchanted scroll in had been foolishly traded away and it had to be found.  
  
By the time she finished the story, Eve was beginning to fidget again. It was close to her feeding time, so Gabrielle handed her back over to her mother. Joxer chuckled and said as how he remembered that crazy day. He then took his lyre and picked a soft tune from the strings. It was a lovely melody, but Gabrielle couldn't tell him so. She couldn't even look at him, but just stared down at the scroll in her hands, her mind reeling.  
  
Joxer had been there, shared in that adventure with them, but there was only the barest mention of him in the scroll. Like she'd been reluctant to write about him at all, but since the scrolls had to be an honest account, she'd _had_ to include him. Reading it again to herself, she could see clearly how incomplete it was. She shook her head and wanted to kick herself for her foolishness. Digging through the scroll pouch she found a blank one and smoothed it out on her leg. Taking out her quill, she quickly went to work rewriting the story, making sure Joxer's part was clearly established.  
  
When she got to the part about the scabbard, she felt her heart sink. The necklace... that lovely necklace was wrapped up in a bit of cloth somewhere in the bottom of her pack. He'd traded something that was special to him for it. He had cared for her then, really cared for her, but she hadn't seen that... and now...  
  
Gabrielle moved her head up a notch to glance at Joxer from the corner of her eye. His eyes were closed and he held the lyre close to his ear as he played. If it bothered him how little he'd been mentioned in the story, he certainly didn't show it. There was a lot he didn't care about these days. She swallowed past the sudden tightness in her throat and bent closer to her scroll, her quill working furiously over the parchment.  
  
For the next hour, Gabrielle blocked out everything but putting words on parchment. She worked through lunch because Xena knew better than to interrupt her for something as trivial as food while she was writing. In the meantime, Joxer entertained Xena by playing the beginnings of tavern songs to see if she could finish them, to see if she knew as many as he did. Xena was amused enough by his challenge to play along.  
  
All Gabrielle heard was the story in her head and the scratching of her quill on the scroll. As she putting down the final word, her ears picked up on the melody Joxer was now playing. Her finger tightened on the quill and her breath caught in her throat. He was playing _his_ song!  
  
"Joxer, that one doesn't count and you know it," Xena objected dryly.  
  
"Sure it does," he grinned, "I've personally heard it played in many, many taverns!"  
  
Xena rolled her eyes, "Yeah, but _you_ are the only one who plays it."  
  
Joxer shrugged, "It's bound to catch on. Come on, Xena, you know this one..." he waggled his eyebrows comically.  
  
Xena narrowed her eyes, "Joxer I am _not_ singing that song."  
  
He chuckled, completely unoffended, "Ah well, it's a silly song anyway. I still like the tune, so I made up completely new words."  
  
That brought Gabrielle's head up, "New words?"  
  
Xena quirked an eyebrow, "Welcome back." She passed over a hunk of bread and cheese, knowing she would be ravenous now that she was out of her bardic "haze". Gabrielle accepted the food with a small smile, then asked Joxer, "You changed your song?"  
  
His fingers stilled on the strings and shrugged a shoulder, "It just doesn't fit me anymore. I had to change it. Anyway, the new version is a lot better." He grinned and plucked out the tune to his song again. His voice was warm and light as he sang:  
  
"Here's a song for E-vie  
  
Because she's such swee-tie  
  
You can search across the countryside  
  
Or even search the whole world wide  
  
A cuter kid you'll never find  
  
Our Evie is one of a kind  
  
Her smile brightens ev'ry daaay  
  
Chases all the clouds awaaay  
  
She's Evie  
  
She's Evie, the Mi-ghty!"  
  
Xena laughed out loud and helped Eve clap her little hands to applaud the song. Joxer leaned over and chucked the baby under the chin, "Evie the Mighty is right. You'll be breaking hearts left and right when you're grown, won'tcha girl?"   
  
Gabrielle scooted over to sit by him and held out her scroll. "Joxer, I want you to read this. When I read the story before, I realized it needed some major changes, too." She put the scroll in his hand, "I don't see how I could have practically left you out of it, but I did, and I'm sorry."  
  
Joxer looked puzzled, "But I _am_ in it. You know, the part with the tavern and all the ale?"  
  
Gabrielle sighed. Oh, he was in that part all right. Mostly to say how silly his helmet looked with those mugs attached to it. She pushed his hand toward him. "Yeah, well, the story just wasn't complete the way I had it written. It couldn't be complete without you." And right then and there, she promised herself to go over every scroll in her pouch to make sure the ones involving Joxer were complete. She felt wretched knowing they most likely weren't.  
  
"Well, it looks like the rain has finally let up," Xena broke in cheerfully and casually plopped the baby down in Joxer's lap. "How about you read her the new version while Gabrielle and I stretch our legs." Joxer looked surprised, but was only too pleased to do it. He settled her comfortably in front of him and unrolled the parchment.  
  
Once outside, Xena and Gabrielle took a moment to breath in the fresh, damp air. Argo swished her tail at them and strolled away from the outcropping to chomp on some wet grass. The women walked for a couple minutes before Xena nudged Gabrielle, "That was a nice thing you did."  
  
Gabrielle shook her head, "No, the nice thing, the right thing, would be to have written it correctly in the first place." She kicked at a rock in her path and sent it flying. "Gods, Xena, how could I be so stupid? So blind? I haven't been any kind of friend to him at all, have I?" Her voice choked on the last and Xena pulled her to a stop, "Wait a minute--"  
  
Gabrielle's face crumpled and she jerked her arm free, turning away. "No!" She took a shuddering breath, "How could I not see? How could I travel with him, spend day after day with him, and not _see_ him?"  
  
Xena's heart twisted at the misery in Gabrielle's voice and spoke gently, "You see him now, don't you?"  
  
Gabrielle slowly turned back around. Her eyes were filled with tears, her voice no more than a whisper, "I love him, Xena."  
  
Xena gathered her close and hugged her, "I can't tell you how glad I am to hear that." She sighed, relieved that the hardest part was over.  
  
Gabrielle pulled away, sniffling, "Oh, but it's all messed up... turned around somehow. Now that I love him, _he_ couldn't care less! What am I gonna do?"  
  
Xena gripped her shoulders, "There's something you need to know. There _is_ a reason Joxer has been acting so different since that day on the docks. I've known since that night and I couldn't tell you about it until now." She saw the protest coming, "Wait, just hear me out, okay? That day, when you hit him, something must have snapped inside him because he asked Cupid to shoot him with a lead arrow."  
  
Gabrielle's jaw dropped, "A lead arrow! But that drives love out... oh gods..." Her eyes went wide with realization, "He told me once that he loved me, but I didn't think, I mean I knew he cared about me, but..." She hugged her arms tight against her body, "He was really in love with me, wasn't he?" When Xena nodded, she was filled with a terrible dread. She could feel her heart breaking into sharp, jagged pieces. "And now it's too late..."  
  
Xena shook her firmly to get her full attention, "Now listen to me, it's not too late! Cupid told me that you and Joxer were destined to fall in love eventually. Aphrodite had it all set up, but Joxer's request just put a serious kink in her plans."  
  
Gabrielle was shocked, "Xena, I am not going to be some pawn in whatever game Aphrodite is playing, and I won't let her use Joxer that way, either! You of all people know what it's like to be used by the gods!"  
  
Xena shook her head solemnly, "Gabrielle, this isn't a game. Aphrodite's not playing tricks or casting spells. I would never let the people I love be used that way, you know that!"  
  
Gabrielle's temper left her in a rush and she nodded sadly, "I know. So Joxer and I were meant to fall in love... great, that's just great! If Cupid used a lead arrow, he can't ever love me! How is that not too late?"  
  
Xena explained about the small bow and how they had three days left to reverse the arrows effects. "Before the next full moon, you need to show him that you truly love him." She grinned wickedly, "Or at least kiss him."  
  
Gabrielle felt her heart lift even as her cheeks burned, "That won't be a problem." She looked back toward the cave entrance thoughtfully, "We could make the next inn by nightfall. It's only right we have some, uh, privacy for such a momentous occasion."  
  
Xena's eyes twinkled, "Absolutely. You really don't want to leave anything to chance, you know. He must know without a doubt that you love him."  
  
Gabrielle's smile was slow and sly, "Oh, there will be _no_ doubt at all when I'm done with him."   
  


**********  
  
They headed along the coast toward an inn that was situated in a small fishing village. The journey was a quiet one for Joxer. He fell into another brooding silence while Gabrielle happily chattered away, Xena throwing in comment here and there. He looked at the parchment in his hand and shook his head in wonder. It was all there. Everything. Reading the scroll, he relived every moment since he woke up beside her that day. He was certainly _in_ it now, all of his actions recorded, even moments he had long since forgotten. But Gabrielle hadn't forgotten.  
  
He sucked in a breath as a pang of emptiness spread through his chest. Damn it all, when would that stop? He should be happy now. Most of the time he did. He had two good friends and he was an honorary uncle to a beautiful child. He loved working with his staff every day and felt comfortable and confident with it. That made him feel good about himself like he never had before. It went deep down and warmed his heart.  
  
So why in Hades did he feel like a puzzle with a piece missing? The piece that made him complete. Joxer's brow furrowed deeply as he frowned. That was just ridiculous - he'd never felt like anything in his life _fit_ until now. Xena and Gabrielle respected and trusted him in a way they never had before. They even liked having him around. What more could he ask for?   
  
Nothing, that's what. He had everything he'd always wanted and he wasn't going to let a stupid little side effect keep him from enjoying his new life. He could handle it, he _had_ to handle it. With a determined nod, Joxer clutched the scroll tightly in his hand, almost crushing it.   
  
Gabrielle was blissfully unaware of any tension in the air as she strolled along beside Joxer, twirling her staff from hand to hand. She chatted on about nothing in particular, not really listening to Xena's answering comments, her mind on more important matters. On how she would tell Joxer she loved him. She was itching to just blurt it out, but she wanted the moment to be special. Should she arrange a nice romantic dinner? Take a walk in the moonlight with him? Pull him into the first dark corner she finds and just kiss him senseless like she's been wanting to do for weeks now? She laughed softly to herself, why not all three?  
  
Already she was working on a new scroll in her mind, going back to that day on the docks and the kiss that started it all. She shivered as a chill slithered down her spine and paused a step, but then shrugged it off. The day was warm, but they were close enough to the water for stray breezes.  
  
They made good time, reaching the village by late afternoon. When Xena found the stables, Joxer was quick with an offer to take care of Argo while they located rooms and food. Xena hesitated as she gave him a long look, knowing how antsy he'd been the last mile or so of their journey, but gave him the reins with a smile. Joxer managed a smile in return, but quickly turned to lead the horse away.  
  
Once inside the stables, he gave a sigh of relief, grateful to have a few moments to himself. Unloading their gear and the saddle from Argo, he gave her a good rubdown and a measure of oats. Patting her side, he told her to play nice with the other horses, at which Argo snorted and flicked her tail against his face. Joxer chuckled and gave her rump a final pat before gathering up all the gear. As he hefted the saddlebag over his shoulder Gabrielle's bag slipped from his hands onto the ground, spilling its contents among the dirt and bits of hay.  
  
Rolling his eyes, Joxer set the gear down again and began picking up the scattered items. A glint of metal caught his eye... a chain of some sort wrapped in a bit of cloth. When he picked it up, the cloth unraveled and fell away and he saw that the chain was part of a necklace. Joxer stared at it, frozen.  
  
_The_ necklace. The one he gave her. He slowly traced the blue stone with a trembling finger.  
  
His gut clenched and he closed his eyes against the sudden whirl of emotion. His fist closed tight around the necklace as it welled up inside him, growing and growing until the pressure had him staggering against the stable wall, gasping for breath. What was happening? He couldn't think, couldn't do anything but suck in great gulps of air as a tide of emotions crashed over him.  
  
Panic and excitement, fear and longing, terror and hope and desperation all mixed up and churning inside him. It made him a little dizzy and more than a little nauseous. Waves and waves of it pounded down on him, overwhelming him until he felt he couldn't breathe. It was like drowning, being sucked down down down and he fought against it, tried to block it, to control it, to stop it any way he could.   
  
But it just kept pulling him down and he could feel his strength seeping away. He slid down the wall and collapsed on the floor, bending down to rest his forehead against his knees. Something was slipping away from him... he was losing a part of himself...  
  
Panic gripped him and he pressed his fists against his chest as if that would keep it inside, whatever it was. He couldn't name it, but he felt a desperate need to hold onto it. A sharp prick at his palm startled him. He held it so tightly, the clasp of the necklace had cut into his skin.   
  
He stared at it and tears sprang to his eyes as he felt an emotional pain rising in him, one he recognized. It was the same pain he'd felt during his other experience with Cupid's arrows. Gabrielle had laughed at the idea of them being in love. The sound of that laughter echoed in his ears and all the sorrow and frustration and heartache he'd felt then came pouring through him again.   
  
It hurt... oh gods, it hurt more than anything! But it was worse now... so much worse...   
  
No! He shook his head and braced himself against the wall. His staff was propped up close by and he grabbed it to help him get to his feet. Pressing his forehead against the smooth wood, he looked at the necklace again and felt a new emotion pushing through the pain... anger. He threw the necklace at the open pack on the floor and held the staff in a defensive stance.  
  
His breath came fast and harsh as rage pounded through his veins. Gripping the staff like a bat, he whirled around, a roar ripping from his throat as he slammed it into the wall. His chest felt like a tight knot of fire as he struck it again - and again - and again.   
  
The horses around him whinnied and danced nervously in their stalls. Argo stopped chewing her oats and gave a loud snort, silencing them. She turned to watch Joxer, her ears turned forward in close attention.  
  
Joxer's eyes glazed over and sweat ran down the sides of his face as he vented his anger. He gritted his teeth against the feelings churning under the rage. "I won't feel that way anymore!" *_WHAM_* "I won't feel that way!" *_WHACK_* He struck again and again until his body shook from exertion and he could no longer lift the staff with his arms.  
  
Leaning against Argo's stall, he stared at the wall not really seeing the damage he'd caused. Argo didn't move but continued to watch him, her tail twitching nervously. Joxer panted for breath and shook his head, "I won't feel..." He closed his eyes and concentrated on those words. They sounded good. They felt good. "I won't feel... I won't feel... I won't feel..."  
  
An iciness slicked down his spine and Joxer sighed with relief. The anger, the pain, all the churning emotions faded as a blessed numbness settled inside of him. Argo sniffed at him and her ears went back as she shifted away.  
  



	6. Sinking6

ON MOUNT OLYMPUS  
  
Aphrodite sat on her cushions with her arms hugging her knees close to her chest. Watching Joxer through the mirror broke just her heart. The pain and anger he felt seared through her... each strike of his staff was a sharp jab to her heart. Then, as she watched the anger slowly fade from his face, the mirror went blank!   
  
The goddess gasped and rose to her knees, clutching at her heart in alarm. "No... oh no..."  
  
With a flash, Cupid appeared beside her and grasped her arms, turning her toward him. "Whoa, Mom! What just happened here? Some weird kind of vibe..."  
  
Aphrodite closed her eyes, her voice only a whisper, "Too soon... it's happening too soon..."  
  
Cupid frowned and ran a hand through his hair. "But Gabrielle loves him and there's still three days--"  
  
Aphrodite shook her head sadly, "His heart... I can't..." Her brow furrowed in concentration as her eyes glazed over, her mind searching. Pushing away from her son, she scrambled over to the mirror and gripped each side.  
  
"Joxer," she demanded, but the glass showed nothing but darkness. "Show him to me!" She shook the mirror frantically, but still nothing. "I can't see him!" She whirled around to face Cupid, her hands pressed up against her heart, "I can't _feel_ him!"  
  
Cupid stared at his mother in shock, then closed his eyes for a moment to search himself. Astonished, he opened his eyes and shook his head, unable to sense the mortal either.  
  
Aphrodite's eyes filled with tears as she reached out and gripped his shoulders, "Find him! We've run out of time!"  
  
IN FISHING VILLAGE  
  
Xena had reserved a couple of rooms at the inn while Gabrielle ordered them up some food in the taproom. While the women waited for it to be served, they sipped a couple of ales and cooed at Eve. Several minutes passed, bowls of hearty stew and small loaves of bread were placed on the table, but there was no sign of Joxer.  
  
Gabrielle looked around the busy room and frowned, "What could be keeping him?"  
  
Xena shrugged as she gently rubbed Eve's belly while she lay in her basket. Tearing off a piece of a loaf with her free hand, she dipped it into her stew, "Why don't you go and find out?" She winked at Gabrielle and they shared a smile.  
  
Gabrielle had just stepped away from the table when pain speared through her body. It pierced her chest and radiated out like a burning wave. It sucked the breath from her as she stumbled back against the table and sank to her knees. Bracing her palms on the floor in front of her, she managed to drag air into her lungs.  
  
Xena was on the floor in an instant, gripping her shoulder to pull her up and holding her chin up to look into her eyes. "Gabrielle?" Her heart clenched at pain in her friend's eyes. Gabrielle whimpered and pressed her hands against her chest. Xena frowned but urged her to take slow, deep breaths.  
  
The crowd in the taproom had gone quiet, the air tense as they watched the two women with curiosity and concern. The young woman who had served their food came up to Xena, gently touched her arm and asked if she could help. Xena smiled grimly, nodded, and they smoothly eased Gabrielle to her feet. "If you could...?" Xena motioned with her chin in the direction of the table. The girl nodded and gathered the baby basket into her arms.  
  
Xena put an arm around Gabrielle's waist and pulled her tightly against her side, "Let's get you to the room and then--" She stopped when Gabrielle shook her head.  
  
Gabrielle took a deep breath as the hot wave of pain suddenly evaporated, her body trembling from the abrupt change. "I'm all right," she put a hand on Xena's arm to halt her and smiled weakly at the curious faces all around. They seemed to accept that her smile meant all was well and went back to their business of drinking and mingling.  
  
Gabrielle pulled away from Xena and shook her head when she would have protested, "I just need some air." It was suddenly too crowded, the people too close, and each breath she drew in was dry and cold and harsh inside her chest. She shivered as chill bumps ran along her skin and took quick, but careful, steps toward the exit. Puzzled, Xena mumbled a thanks to the serving girl, took the basket from her, and followed.  
  
Just as they reached the door, it opened and a stable boy came in carrying their gear. Xena stopped him and asked what he was doing with their things. The boy dropped the bags and shrugged, "Some fellow, said his name was Joxer, he gave me a dinar to bring this stuff to some dark-haired warrior woman with a baby." He raised an eyebrow as he looked at her, "Guess that's you." He jutted his chin out and gave Xena a stubborn glare, "Said I'd get another dinar when I gave it to you."  
  
Xena smirked and dug out a dinar from a pouch at her waist. The boy reached for it, but she held it back. "And why didn't he bring them himself?"  
  
The boy eyed the dinar in her fingers with bright eyes and shrugged again, "Don't know. Just gave me the bags and left-- Oh!" He slapped his forehead and reached into the pocket of his trousers. He pulled out a folded piece of parchment, "Gave me this, too." He waggled the parchment in the air and held out his hand.  
  
In a swift move, the parchment was in Xena's hand and she flipped the dinar at the wide-eyed boy. He caught it in midair and gave an impressed grin before darting back out the door.  
  
Gabrielle grabbed the message from Xena and as she read it the chill bumps turned to icy pricks on her skin. "He's gone..."  
  
"What?" Xena settled the basket on her hip and looked over Gabrielle's shoulder, mumbling as she read the note for herself. " _'There's something important I have to do. I can't explain right now, but I won't be back for a while. Thanks for everything. Joxer.'_ "  
  
Shaking her head, Gabrielle thrust the note at Xena and hurried out the door. She looked frantically around, but didn't see him. Cursing softly, she rushed over to the stables. Argo snorted from inside her stall, but there was no sign of Joxer. Gabrielle rubbed a hand on her forehead and turned as Xena came in behind her.  
  
Shrugging Eve's pouch on her shoulders, she settled the sleeping baby against her back and stored the basket in Argo's stall. "Gabrielle, what happened to you in there? One second you're in pain, the next you're fine... what's going on?"  
  
Gabrielle shook her head, "I don't know. I've been having strange aches for a while, but nothing like that." She saw the frown coming and sighed, "Yeah, I know I should have told you, but they came and went and I didn't think much of them. Look, yell at me later, okay? We've got to figure out where Joxer went!"  
  
Xena raised an eyebrow and gave her a look that said she would _definitely_ be yelling later. "He hasn't been gone long and we've got plenty of time to find him. Don't worry--"  
  
A flash of sparkles cut her off as Cupid appeared before them. "Oh yeah, she should worry." He shook out his wings in agitation and ran a hand through his short hair, "Something's gone totally wrong and we can't sense Joxer at all." He gestured one hand up toward Olympus, "Mom's got some major upset vibes going on." He gave them a pointed look, "Look, we've got to find this guy now... we've run out of time!"  
  
Gabrielle felt her heart fall to the ground and gaped at Cupid, "Can't you just bring him here?"  
  
Cupid gave her an incredulous look, "And just how do you expect me to do that?"  
  
She waved a hand around in frustration, "Snap a finger, shake a wing... I don't know! Whatever it is you gods do when you _poof_ people from place to place!"  
  
Cupid rolled his eyes, "Contrary to popular belief, the gods are _not_ all-powerful. We can't just 'shake a wing,' as you so charmingly put it, and solve all your little problems with a _POOF_!"  
  
Gabrielle's eyes flashed angrily at his flippant words, but Xena grabbed her arm before she could lunge at the irritated god. Gabrielle huffed a breath and turned away, knowing her temper wouldn't be helpful right now. She pressed her hands against her temples, trying to calm herself and clear her mind.  
  
Xena narrowed her eyes and gave Cupid a level look, "So what _can_ you do?"  
  
Cupid threw his hands out in frustration, "I told you, we can't sense him at all! It's like he doesn't even exist." He raised a hand when their eyes widened in alarm, "No, not dead or anything, just not _there_ - and I can't _POOF_ anyone anywhere if I can't _FIND_ them, get it?"  
  
Xena sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, then snapped them back open and jabbed a finger at him, "Well, you're another pair of eyes, at least. Shake a wing and see if you can spot him from the air."  
  
Cupid raised an eyebrow at her, the nodded and spread his wings out wide, vanishing as he shot up into the sky. Xena turned to Gabrielle and saw her staring up after the god with her arms crossed tightly in front of her. Xena took her by the shoulders and shook them gently, "Look, we'll find him. I'll check the roads out of town and you go check down by the docks, okay?"  
  
Gabrielle saw the fierceness in her friend's eyes and felt some of the tension leave her, knowing only too well how determined Xena could be. She swallowed past the thickness in her throat and nodded stiffly, walking off toward the ships. Xena watched her hurry away with worried eyes, then shifted the pouch on her back and took off in the opposite direction.

Joxer leaned against the railing of the ship with his pack over one shoulder and his staff in the crook of his arm, waiting for the captain to set sail. The cool breeze ruffled through his hair as he stared out over the water. The last of the supplies and cargo were now being loaded into the ship's hold and the rest of the crew were out securing rigging and swabbing decks and making the various final preparations to leave dock.  
  
The ship was destined for some country he'd never heard of that lay far across the sea and would take a month to reach if the weather was fine and the waters obliging. He didn't care how far it was or how long it took to get there. The further and longer, the better, he thought.  
  
Joxer stared at the sunlight as it glinted on the water with only one thought running through his mind... He needed to get away. Just away. It didn't matter where. For a month or two... maybe a year... or just make a new life for himself all together. It didn't matter to him one way or the other. Maybe in a new place things would start to feel _normal_ again. Right now everything felt so... so wrong. Too much confusion, too many jumbled feelings. Well, actually, he didn't feel much of _anything_ right now... just a heavy numbness around his heart... and a curious cold that prickled through his body.   
  
The men worked steadily around him, but he barely heard them. The breeze blew cool on his skin, but he hardly felt it. Joxer sighed heavily. He needed to get away... just get away... far away... His eyes began to glaze over slightly as he stared at the water and the strange thought entered his mind that if he stood very, very still maybe, just maybe, he could fade into thin air...  
  
"Joxer!"  
  
He felt his body jerk and his eyes blinked rapidly, trying to focus. A wave of dizziness had him gripping the railing to keep on his feet. Whoa... what just happened there?  
  
A sailor swabbing the deck near him brought his attention back to his surroundings. He shook his head. The rhythm of the boat, the lapping of the water, the steady sounds of the sailors working... it all must have lulled me into some strange mood. Yeah, that's all it was...   
  
Puzzled, his brow furrowed suddenly. Wait. Did I just hear my...?  
  
"JOXER!"  
  
Gabrielle shouted his name at the top of her lungs when her first startled call hadn't seemed to reach him. The shock of seeing him on that ship had stopped her in her tracks at first -- by the gods, he was _actually_ leaving! -- but now she pushed as quickly as she could through the crowd on the docks. She had to reach him... she had to tell him...  
  
She knew he'd heard her the second time when he pushed back from the railing. Judging from the sour looks of the people she was dodging and scooting around, and the surprised faces that popped up from several ships in dock, just about everyone heard her.   
  
The swabbing sailor beside Joxer, finished with his job, hitched his mop up against his shoulder and was ambling past Joxer when they both heard her shout and whirled around in her direction. The head of the mop slammed into Joxer's face and sent him tumbling backward over the railing. Gabrielle gasped and broke into a run as he hit the water with a hard splash. She plowed through the crowd and down the pier next to the ship, her heart pounding in her chest.   
  
After several long moments Joxer came back up, but face down and bobbing drunkenly at the surface. Gabrielle didn't think, just dived straight into the water and swam frantically over to him. Turning his body over, she coiled an arm around his chest and dragged him through the water to the pier. Calling out for help, Gabrielle gripped the edge of the pier as a couple of men reached down and pulled Joxer up.   
  
Hoisting her self out of the water, she thanked the men and kneeled down next to Joxer. She patted at his cheeks and called his name, but there was no response. A hand against his neck assured her his heart was beating, but he wasn't breathing.   
  
"Oh, gods..." she rasped, running her hands up over her wet face and slicking her hair back behind her ears. With fumbling fingers, she worked loose his wet jerkin and shirt from his throat and placed her hands on his cheeks. "Okay, okay... I can do this."  
  
She pinched his nose closed with one hand and laid the other on his chest. Placing her mouth over his, she blew a breath of air into his lungs. His chest rose slightly, but he lay there, so still, and his face paler than she'd ever seen. She breathed for him again... but nothing.   
  
"Damn it, Joxer!" She grit her teeth against the tears that filled her eyes, the hand on his chest curling into a fist. "You can't do this!" Her fist pounded hard on him, "Not now!"  
  
With a painfully racing heart, she gave him another breath of air. "Come on, breathe!" After another breath she tore her mouth from his and beat down on him with both fists, crying out, "BREATHE!"  
  
Joxer suddenly jerked and water dribbled out of his mouth. Gabrielle immediately rolled him to his side and rubbed at his back. Choking and coughing up water, Joxer shuddered heavily as he drew in great gulps of air.  
  
When he had recovered enough to sit up and his breathing sounded better, Gabrielle's face crumpled with emotion as she hugged him close to her, "Thank the gods! I thought I'd lost you!" She pressed her face into his neck and cried softly.  
  
Joxer shook his head, "I'm fine."  
  
The flat tone of his voice made Gabrielle pull away. The look in his eyes made her suck in a harsh breath. They were blank and dull. There was no warmth, no sparkle... no sign of the Joxer she loved at all. She gently touched a hand to his cheek, "Joxer? Joxer, listen to me, please... I love you."  
  
He just stared at her with those far away eyes, then frowned, "I need to be on the ship."  
  
Her heart wrenched painfully. "No, you don't. You need to be here, with me. You just can't leave me now that I've found you... the real you." She brought her other hand up to her heart, "I know it took a long time for me to see the man you are, Joxer, but I _do_. You're warm and funny and wonderful with Eve.You're strong and handsome, good in a fight, and - and you even cook better than I do!"  
  
She took a breath to calm her scrambled thoughts. Her eyes misted over and her voice grew thick, "Joxer, you give so much to all of us and we don't appreciate you nearly enough. No one's ever had a better or more loyal friend. We all love you for that... but I feel _more_ than that. A lot more."  
  
The emptiness in his eyes frightened her. She had to reach him. There had to be _some_ way to reach him. "What I feel is more than the love between friends... but the love between a man and a woman. The way you love me... the way you've always loved me."   
  
Joxer just blinked at her and looked away, "I have to go." He tried to scoot back so he could stand, but she lunged forward and grabbed at his arms to keep him still.  
  
"No!" Gabrielle snapped, her fingers clutching desperately at him. "Joxer, I'm not letting you go!" Her voice went whisper soft as she cupped her hands around his head and brought his face close to hers, "I'll never let you go."  
  
She closed her lips over his and poured herself into the kiss. Threading her fingers through his wet hair, she leaned into him, her lips pressing and playing against his. The love she felt for this man was a tide rising in her, fierce and pounding... he _had_ to feel it, he had to ride the wave with her... it was too much, too big for one soul to carry alone without being crushed and scattered by it.  
  
His lips were soft, but so cold against hers. She felt his hands close over her arms, tighten, and start to push her away. With a sound somewhere between a sob and a growl, she opened her mouth on his and took the kiss deeper.  
  
Joxer's body jerked and his hands clamped tight as he felt her tongue slide against his. The air grew thick and heavy, pressing down on him, squeezing the breath from his lungs. Warmth tingled through him, spreading from his chest... down to his toes... out to his finger tips... up to his scalp and through the ends of his hair. His heart began to beat faster and harder until it thundered in his ears.  
  
Her teeth nipped urgently at his bottom lip, making him suck in a harsh breath. The scent of her, that warm scent of air and earth that his brain knew to be Gabrielle was suddenly inside him now. A clenching around his heart tightened and tightened and his heart pounded and his head spun around and around...  
  
... and suddenly he was flying... the pain dissolved and he could swear he was soaring and tumbling through the sky, his heart light and fluttering in his chest. He could feel... he could feel... oh gods, he could feel everything!  
  
Gabrielle lifted her head away, panting for breath, her eyes blurry and unfocused. Joxer's breath caught in his throat at the look of her. Gods, she was beautiful...  
  
His hands loosened on her arms and slid over the warm skin of her back. He pressed her close and watched her bright eyes goes wide a second before taking her mouth with his own.  
  
Gabrielle's arms fell limply against him for a stunned moment. It was like being yanked hard under water and pulled down down down... but Joxer was there with her, taking her down and they were sinking together... together...  
  
Her heart jumped when she realized that and felt the change in him. His lips were warm and eager on hers, sending delicious shivers over her skin. Joy welled up inside her so much she wanted to cry and laugh and shout out all at the same time. Instead, she gripped at his tunic and held on tight for this wonderful ride.  
  
Joxer had so many feelings jumping and swarming around inside of him, but the one that pushed its way to the top was how incredibly lucky he was to have this woman in his arms, to be kissing her the way he'd wanted to for so long... and she was kissing him back... because she _wanted_ to. Because she loved him.   
  
Gods, her words echoed in his mind. He gently broke the kiss and leaned back as the weeks they'd spent together flashed before his eyes... the training... the fight... the scroll... the necklace... He frowned, puzzled. He could recall seeing the necklace in his hand, but the details after that were pretty fuzzy. He remembered getting on the ship, but not the reason... then he'd been whomped rather hard in the head... then he was coughing up buckets of sea water.  
  
But remembered every word Gabrielle had said about loving him. She was looking at him now with those green eyes just shining with love... for him. He took a deep breath and pressed his forehead to hers. Here was that missing piece of the puzzle, the part of his heart that was left empty when Cupid's bow struck it.   
  
"Joxer?" her voice was soft and hesitant, her fingers fidgeting with a lacing on his jerkin.  
  
He raised his head and nudged a knuckle under her chin, lifting it until she met his eyes. He smiled and traced his knuckle along her jaw. "I do love you, Gabby. I always have... I always will."  
  
After a beat, he raised an eyebrow, "And you're right... I _am_ a better cook."  
  
Gabrielle gave a shaky laugh, tears filling her eyes. He laughed softly with her and her breath caught in her throat. There! She could see it! Her heart did a little happy dance at the light in his eyes, that sparkle that was her old friend Joxer... but there was a depth there, a heat she could feel from those deep brown eyes that made her pulse race. She had them both, the friend and the lover... all in one incredible Joxer.  
  
She hugged him tight and laughed out loud when he fell back onto the dock and her body stretched out over his. Their lips met again and they were oblivious to the dock workers that shuffled carefully around them, smiling and shaking their heads.  
  
A happy squeal startled them apart and they looked up to see Aphrodite standing there all smiles and fairly quivering with delight.  
  
"Too cool! This is just too cool!" The goddess clasped her hands over her bosom, "The Studmuffin and the Bard Babe..." she sighed as they helped each other to their feet, "I just _knew_ this would be a perfect match!"   
  
Her mouth turned into a pretty pout as she put a fist on one hip and shook a finger at them, "You had me seriously bummed out for a while, you know." Her lips curved back into a stunning smile as Joxer wrapped an arm around her shoulder, tucking her against his side and Gabrielle slipped an arm around his waist. "And just so we're clear? This is the Real Deal, okay? No spells, no games. Got it?"  
  
Joxer and Gabrielle looked at each other and knew without a doubt that the love they felt was genuine. They smiled and nodded once at the goddess, "Got it."  
  
A spray of sparkles had them all turning their heads. Cupid let go of Xena's elbow and shook out his wings. Xena's heart warmed at the sight of her friends together. She raised an eyebrow questioningly at Gabrielle and Gabrielle nodded, smiling as she leaned her head against Joxer. Xena looked at Joxer and grinned at the besotted look on his face... she'd seen that look plenty of times, but there was more to it now. Her eyes started to prickle, so she went up to them and hugged them to her for a long moment.  
  
Aphrodite went to her son, slipped an arm through his and blew on her fingernails, buffing them against her shoulder, "Ooh, I am _so_ good!"   
  
Cupid rolled his eyes with a smile and touched the fingertips of one hand to his forehead in salute to the happy mortals before they flashed out of sight.  
  
A crewman called down from the ship Joxer had been on, asking if he was coming on board or not. Joxer answered him with a firm no. The crewman shrugged and held up Joxer's pack and staff, then tossed them over for him to catch. Joxer moved swiftly and caught them. He set down his pack and twirled the staff in his hands.  
  
He glanced at the ship that was slipping away from the dock and back to Gabrielle. Picking up his pack, he touched the end of his staff firmly to the ground. "So... where are we off to now?"  
  
Xena smirked and nudged Gabrielle, "The inn. Eve will be needing her dinner and a nap pretty soon, so you'll just have to entertain yourselves for the evening." She winked at Joxer and pulled the baby's pouch around to her chest as Eve began to fuss, jiggling it as she walked away.  
  
Gabrielle cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow, her eyes twinkling, "Think we can find a way to entertain ourselves?"  
  
Joxer stepped up to her and ran a hand up her arm, over her shoulder and cupped the back of her head, making goosebumps shiver along her skin. He held her gaze for a long hot moment, then his mouth curved slowly into a smile. "I think so."  
  
With a quick kiss to her lips, he grabbed her hand and pulled her quickly along with him toward the inn. Gabrielle's heart jumped happily inside her a she followed him, knowing tonight was just the beginning for them. The beginning of everything. 

FIN


End file.
